Fairy Tale
by ahmandie
Summary: Ch 10, The Beast, in which Natsu becomes a hairdresser's nightmare and Lucy has tea with teaware. Will Natsu and Lucy escape from this deranged Fairy Tale, happily ever after...or not?
1. The Book

**Fairy Tale**

By ahmandie, who as you know, doesn't own FT one bit.

* * *

Chapter 1: The Book

"The mailman has a crush on you," said Natsu, lazily stuffing chocolate chip cookies into his mouth. It was late in the afternoon and he had the munchies.

Lucy rolled her eyes as she closed the door. "Oh please, he does not. You just think that because he knows my name."

"No, it's the way he says, 'Lucy, I've got some mail for you!' And plus, he doesn't know _my_ name."

"...It's because you never get any _mail_._"_

Natsu snorted, his mouth full as he held up his pointer finger, cookies forgotten. "Mnnuh trooh_,_" he stated, choking a little before he swallowed. Fumbling deep within his cavernous pockets, he brought forth a sad looking, crumpled up envelope. "See? I got this."

Lucy stared at the wad of paper. It was hopelessly scrunched up beyond any recognition, but for some reason, it looked awfully familiar...Wait a minute. That little blue stripe...Wasn't that..._her_ stationary? "Natsu, that's the letter you made me write you," she said, dryly, "That doesn't count."

"What's so good about mail then, huh? Getting boxes?" He dismissively gestured at the box on the coffee table. "Psh, I don't need any _boxes." _

He eyed the box in contempt...but then curiosity got the better of him. "So...can I open it?"

She sighed, reaching for a pair of scissors. As she slit the packing tape and pulled away the bubble-wrap, Natsu excitedly reached in and pulled out...a red leather book.

"A book?" said Lucy, puzzled. Why would someone want to send her a book?

Natsu fished around in the box. "Oh look, there's a note," he said, reading it out-loud. "_To Lucy: Hello dear! I found this in a box with some of your old things. Thought you might like it. Happy reading! Love always, Mrs. C._"

"Oh!" said Lucy, clapping her hands. "Mrs. C. She's the family housekeeper."

"What's this?" Natsu asked, flipping through the pages. He thumbed through the text until he stopped at a rather large picture of a beautiful woman in a tall tower, her shiny golden locks hanging from the window.

"Hey Lucy, aren't you a bit old to be reading _fairy tales_?"

"Of course not. You're never too old," she said indignantly, snatching the book away. And as she closed the book, her fingers brushed against something on the cover. The soft leather had been delicately embossed with a symbol, a squiggly triangle encased in a rigid looking circle. "I...I don't remember this being there..."

"Hey, that's, whatchamacallit," said Natsu, snapping his fingers. He _knew_ what the rune meant, it was on the tip of his tongue, but he just couldn't put his finger on it. "It's that...ope...orn...obsi...Aarg, it starts with an 'o'."

"Really? You can read this?" she asked, skeptically.

"Yep. And I remember 'em good," He tapped his head, "Can't fall asleep when your teacher is a fire breathing dragon."

"Oh yeah? What's this one then?" Lucy pointed at the cover, a mischievous grin on her face.

"I told you, I err--I forget that one."

"You probably just slept with your eyes open."

"Whatever," he scoffed, turning around and crossing his arms. "Now I'm gonna remember it just to spite you."

Lucy sighed, more amused then irritated. "Alright, Natsu, you go for it," she said, flipping through the book. The text was so neat and the illustrations were gorgeous. But now that she thought about it, she didn't remember this particular book at all. The book that Mrs. C had always read stories from was blue, not red. _Oh well_, she thought, _It has been a while since I've read fairy tales._

Her thoughts were interrupted with a loud "AH HA!" as Natsu bounded back to the couch. "OPENIAN! It's openian!" he exclaimed, stealing the book from her grasp, "I told you I'd remember."

"Hey! Be careful!" she said, stealing it back. "You're going to rip it!"

"But I get to look at it first because I remembered," said Natsu, with a matter-of-fact tone. He clamped the book shut and repeatedly tapped at the symbol. "Openian, openian, openian."

"Alright, alright. You can do it," she said, handing it over, "But I get to look too."

Natsu grinned, turning the pages until it was back to the woman in the tower. "I've never heard of this one."

"...You've never heard of _Rapunzel?_"

"Nope. What kind of name is Rapunzel?"

"I don't know, princesses all have 'unique' names," she said, getting up for a glass of water. "Like Cinderella or Snow White."

Lucy quickly filled two glasses and returned to the table, the ice softly clinking in its containers. She was just about to sit down, but it was then that the cover of the book began to glow.

"Natsu? What exactly did you--"

Suddenly the rune gave off a fantastically bright flash of light and Lucy felt the floor beneath her give way. As she began to fall, she screamed, flailing her arms and grabbing at the fluttering scarf of an also falling and yelling Natsu. The bewildered look in his eyes mirrored the look in her own, and she knew exactly what they were both thinking.

_What the hell is going on?!_

_--------_

As Lucy opened her eyes, the first thing she was aware of was the ridiculously bright light flooding the room. The second was that she was lying on the floor, as if she'd fallen down. And it was most likely a combination of the two that was responsible for the mad throbbing in her head.

She groaned, gingerly standing up, and very slowly, she made her way to the window. Her head felt heavy, as if she were dragging a ton of lead weights by the skin of her scalp.

"No curtains? Are you serious?" she complained, fumbling around blindly. In her confusion, she accidentally pushed the panel open. The bright light instantly gave way to a brilliantly blue, cloudless sky and Lucy's head cleared.

She breathed a sigh of relief. She was standing on a balcony of some sorts, and the air was deliciously fresh and crisp, like mountain air but sweeter. And the view! She could see for miles around, the landscape covered in lush greenery. _If only I could get a view this from my apartment_, she thought, leaning dreamily against the rail. Then reality struck, making her heart nearly stop. Her eyes opened wide, as she glanced around.

"My apartment--this isn't my apartment," she panicked. The glowing book cover had transformed her usual T-shirt and jeans combo into some kind of glittering pink ball gown, complete with ruffles and all. Lucy looked over the railing and she involuntarily gasped when she saw that the ground was a good fifty feet down. She backed away from the rail, trying to take deep breaths, but she tripped landing on her bottom.

"What the--" She had tripped over a thick golden coil. Who the hell leaves rope like that lying around?

But Lucy was a smart girl and she could put two and two together. She was in a tower, quite high up and she would have bet her keys that there would be no hidden staircase leading down. She was trapped up here. And with much apprehension, she knew that the that blond braid coiling through the room was none other then her hair.

But that still left one question: Where was Natsu?

* * *

**A/N**: Openian: based on the Old English verb for 'open.'

but YAY, new NxL fic. 'Tis short, but its something new for the new year.

I actually wrote something very very similar to this with a different pairing, maybe a year ago? Or was it last summer? I forget, but the chemistry was all off so I stopped. Perhaps I'll post it on my LJ or something. BTW, I made one.

But anyway, the idea for this came up when I kept typing fairy TALE instead of TAIL. And voila. More to come, please review!


	2. The Tower

Chapter 2 - The Tower

"What the hell," cursed Natsu, sitting up. He had landed in some kind of meadow and there was grass everywhere--in his mouth, in his hair, all over his new clothes.

_This is freakin' WRONG_, he thought, grimacing at his attire. He had woken up, spread-eagled in the field, his scarf almost choking him, and dressed in some kind of _jacket_ with the most _ridiculous_ sleeves ever. They were POOFY and had little slits in them, showing a shimmery gold fabric underneath. And those pants! What were they called? _Breeches. _Who the hell wears breeches nowadays? Oh, that's right. The same people who wear RIDING BOOTS. Natsu's grimace deepened as he picked up his feet, examining the leather sole. _What the hell_, indeed.

Natsu heaved himself to a standing position, stretching out his legs. _At least these damn boots are comfortable, _he thought_. _But oh, the horror that would fall upon him if he ever let Lucy see him wearing these.

Hmm. Speaking of Lucy. Natsu spun, surveying his little clearing. Nope, she wasn't here. Where was she then? It wasn't until he turned a 180 that finally, the shadow of the tower loomed over him. And it wasn't until he squinted _real hard_ that he saw the little yellow thing flailing at the top. "...Lucy?"

Then the little yellow thing screamed and Natsu took off in the direction of the tower.

--------

A couple thorny rose bushes later, Natsu finally arrived at the tower. But something was off--no matter how many times he circled the damn thing, he couldn't find a door.

"What the hell is this?" he exclaimed, flames sprouting from his mouth. No door? How else was he supposed to get up there, climb?

Someone gasped. "Natsu? Natsu! Is that you?"

"Lucy! What're you doing up there?" he called, craning his neck upwards to see her standing on the balcony. "And what's that on your head?"

"Its my hair!" she wailed, "Its everywhere! Just get me down from here so we can cut it off!"

Natsu raised his eyebrow. "So wait. I'm supposed to save you? Like the whole damsel in distress thing?"

"Oh please, if I could get down from here myself, I'd have done it a long time ago," she said, peering down at him. Lucy noticed that his usual getup, like hers, had also been switched for something more fitting of a fairy tale. _And_, she remarked to herself, _he does look rather_..._princely_.

But that was besides the point.

"Alright, alright," said Natsu, his arms crossed, "Ready to jump?"

"...Jump? Seriously?" Did he not realize that she was fifty feet up? In a tower?!

"Well, yeah. You did it once and its not like I'm gonna drop you," he said, impatiently, "And hurry up about it! Tonight's flaming BBQ wing night!"

"..." Lucy made a face. If she could help it, she would prefer _not_ to jump out of towers...but it looks like there was no other option. She sighed, pushing herself up to stand on the flat railing. From this distance, she could barely make out the dragon scale pattern on Natsu's scarf.

As if reading her mind, his lips drawn into a smirk, he held his arms out, calling, "Just trust me."

So Lucy took a deep breath, closed her arms, and leaned forward--promptly falling backwards with a small yelp.

"What happened?!"

"I can't," she answered, freeing the folds of her dress, "The weight of the hair pulled me back."

Natsu snorted. Seems like these princesses can't do anything. "Well then, how else are we going to do this? How does Rap-whatever get her boyfriend up there?" he yelled upwards.

"She...she throws down her hair," said Lucy, eyeing her golden coils rather warily.

"Throw it down then!"

Although she didn't pay much attention during the physics part of her education, Lucy was smart enough to know that if she chucked all that hair off the balcony, it would pull her down with it. Much possibly taking her head (off) with it, and that was something she most definitely would not be looking forward too. If only she could find something to tie her hair to? To serve as an anchor? But Natsu was getting impatient.

Seriously. If this took any longer, he'd be performing some "home improvement" on Lucy's new tower.

"C'mon, c'mon," muttered Lucy, hastily kicking aside her locks as she rummaged through the little room. Why weren't there any spaces in that stupid railing so she could tie her hair to it? She sighed, frustrated. But then, hidden behind a thick curtain, she spied a large brass hook bolted to the wall. That might work.

A couple minutes later, Lucy rushed to the balcony, her hair wrapped around her arms like rope. "Natsu! Are you ready?" she called, peering down.

"Yep," he said, gesturing for her to drop it. And he watched as the coil of golden hair spiraled gracefully down the length of the tower, springing to a stop...10 feet above his head.

"...You've got to be kidding me?!" Natsu threw his hands up. Fairy tales sucked. Crouching down, he leapt up to grab the braid but Aarg! Curse that stupid shampoo she used, her hair was just too soft and smooth for him to get a good grip on. "Can't, can't you make it any longer?" he asked, jumping again. She must have leaned over the edge a bit more, because finally, he was able to grab at the ends.

After what seemed like forever, Natsu's head finally popped up to Lucy's balcony. "Finally!" she exclaimed, "Oh God, you, plus the hair? So. Heavy."

Natsu snorted, heaving himself over the edge. "Excuse me? Imagine climbing the stupid thing."

Lucy grinned. She supposed he did have a point. "So...get it off. Please," she said, her voice coming out in one breath. "It's driving me crazy." She held a length of hair up like a prisoner would beg for his shackles to be removed.

"You can't cut it off?" Natsu raised an eyebrow. It was _hair_ after all.

"I tried, its almost as if its gold thread. It must be magic, I can't cut it at all," she sighed, glancing at him, but instead of looking concerned, he had the biggest grin plastered on his face.

"Gold?" grinned Natsu, rubbing his hands together, "We're going to be rich!"

Was he serious? Lucy supposed it was the dragon in him that was responsible for this fondness of shiny metal. "Sure, sure, you can have it all, just get it off!" she said.

"No problem," said Natsu, flashing Lucy a V sign. He grabbed the closest coil of golden hair, sucked in a deep breath, and let loose a steady stream of bright orange flame. "Its metal, right? So it'll melt."

But instead of melting, the air filled with the unmistakable odor of burning hair. Lucy coughed, waving her hands in front of her face. "I thought," she said in between breaths, "I thought you said it'd melt?"

"Its what I thought," he muttered, obviously dissapointed. First, a tower with no door. Now, golden hair that's not really gold? Really, these fairy tales sucked.

Lucy, on the otherhand, was ecstatic. "I'm free!" she cheered, holding up her charred ends. Her hair was still pretty long--extending down to her waist--but from the length she had before? This was definitely an improvement. "Finally! Now let's get the hell out of here."

Natsu surveyed Rapunzel's little room while she rummaged for something more practical to wear. As she disappeared into the tiniest closet he'd ever seen (Heck, even _his_ closet was bigger then that. And he was a guy.), he noted a four-poster bed, an even tinier bathroom, but no kitchen? How'd this girl eat? Takeout?

The closet door creaked as Lucy emerged, tossing aside a wad of pink tafetta. She combed through her damaged hair with her fingers, straightening the hem of her new dress. A shimmery ivory color, the corset style dress was the plainest thing she could find in the closet. Using the scissors that failed to cut through golden hair, she had neatly cut off the heavy train until the soft linen dress ended mid-thigh, revealing a pair of knee-high leather boots.

Natsu laughed, gesturing at their footwear as he lazily lounged on the plush comforter. "What is it with these people and boots?"

"I don't know, but I hope I can take these back with us," grinned Lucy, using a scrap of fabric to tie back her hair, "These boots are pretty cute."

"There is no way I'm going home like this," said Natsu, dryly.

"How are we getting back, anyway?" she asked, walking outside to the balcony. "I don't even know how we got here in the first place."

Natsu followed her out, yawning. He crouched as Lucy climbed onto his back. "It was that damn book. Freakin' CURSED. Cursed, I tell you."

"Cursed? Are you kidding?" said Lucy, wrapping her arms around his neck, "It was from my housekeeper! Who is like my grandma. Whose daily activities include knitting, _not_ sending cursed books through the mail."

Scoffing, he scrambled up onto the railing, taking the hair-rope and wrapping it around his wrists and their waists. "Holding on tight?" Lucy nodded, and flipping his scarf over his shoulder, he stepped off backwards, leaning so that their weight and tension in the rope was balanced.

"Fine," he said, as they repelled down the tower wall, "If it wasn't your _dear _Mrs. C, it was the mailman. ADMIT IT."

Lucy sighed, as they reached the bottom. Really, once he had an idea in his head, it was quite hard to shake it out.

"You know," mentioned Natsu, unwrapping the rope from his wrists, "So this _Rapunzel_, she was stuck up there or something? Why didn't she just..." He gestured at the rope, "Why didn't she just burn it off, tie it to something, and climb down?"

"Um...I don't know," said Lucy, climbing off his back and straightening her dress, "It wouldn't be as romantic that way, I guess."

"Romantic? What's so romantic about--"

Natsu was cut off as a deafening roar echoed throughout the air, shaking the cobblestones of the tower. The forest was suddenly quiet, as if every living creature held its breath.

"What was that?" whispered Lucy, her eyes wide. She craned her neck upwards, her blue eyes growing even wider as she saw something hurdling through the air above them. Something with blood-red scales and a jaw strong enough to split a massive tree trunk in two. Something known by many names but often known in fairy tales as--

"A DRAGON. Aww YES!" whooped Natsu, throwing his fists into the air as said creature turned lazy corkscrews through the clouds.

"Oh yes, a dragon! And it's going to eat us if we stay here, let's go!" pleaded Lucy, dragging the enthusiastic Salamander towards the cover of the trees. She had managed to drag him in a good distance until he wiggled out of her grip. They had ended up near a small pond, shaded by the sun in a way so that lilies flourished across the water's surface.

"I'm finally, FINALLY, gonna test out my dragon slaying skills, Luce," said Natsu. The flames from his hair were licking the top of the canopy. "C'mon, it went that way!"

"Wait, you want to go _towards_ that thing? Didn't you see how big it was? It was the size of our guild?!"

"My first dragon's gotta be something BIG," he said, kneeling at the bank, "After this drink, then we go!"

Lucy turned, crossing her arms as she paced. A dragon. A _dragon_. A DRAGON. They should be focusing how how to get home, not on trying to fight a _dragon_. And to make matters worse, she walked straight into a wooden sign that seemed to be posted in the middle of nowhere.

"Oomph," she said, rubbing her nose and glancing back at the pond to see if Natsu had bore witness to her clumsiness...but he was gone.

"Ha, I saw that," said his voice behind her. She turned to see Natsu peering at the sign, his thumb and index finger gripping his chin. "It's kinda faded."

She moved to stand next to him and pointed at the letters. "I'd say that's probably a W, and together with 'ning,'... so that makes... 'Warning?'"

"Warning? That's never good." Natsu sidestepped, tilting his head to look at the sign at an angle. "Okay, so it says, 'Warning, pond enchanted. Do not...something."

"Drink the water. It probably says 'Do not drink the water.' ...And didn't you just..."

Natsu grimaced. "Aw, sh-- " he swore, and then promptly keeled over, face down on the ground.

"Natsu?!" Lucy quickly knelt, rolling him over, but he was out, his mouth open and full of grass. "Natsu! Wake up!" she panicked, moving his head around. But as she withdrew her hand, she noticed that her fingers were coated with something...sticky. And he seemed to be turning a quirky shade of...green.

"Oh, you've got to be kidding me!" she moaned, as she was suddenly immersed into a cloud of smoke as something near her went "poof."


	3. The Frog

Chapter 3 - The Frog

Natsu's head was spinning.

This feeling...was like the train, plus the carriage, plus that stupid camel ride Grey had made him do, all wrapped in one mind throbbing experience. To say that he felt queasy was an understatement.

But he was a tough guy. _Brush it off, brush it off_, mumbled Natsu as he pushed himself up into a crouch. The fog was starting to clear and instead of three fuzzy trees in front of him, he saw only one. But really, what was up with awful screeching noise? And why did he have the nagging urge to...swim...and eat flies?

----------

It took Lucy a while to get a hold of herself. She peered at the slightly slimy green amphibian from behind the protective barrier of a tree trunk.

She hadn't screamed because she didn't _like_ frogs...it was more because now Natsu _was_ a frog. It was more the fact that her loud-mouthed partner-- the only constant she had in this crazy make-believe world--had been replaced by something that ate flies and liked to jump on lily pads, but oh, Lucy noticed, the little frog was wearing a tiny yellow scarf. And now he was awake and croaking.

"Riiiiibit?" coughed the frog, small licks of flame emerging from his mouth.

"Hey...hey Natsu, are you...um, alright?" she called tentatively, biting her lip. At the sound of her voice, the frog started to hop in her direction...and she promptly began to walk backwards.

She tripped over an exposed root, her hair flying as she fell onto a bed of ferns. The frog seized the opportunity, hopping onto her chest with a determined look in his beady eyes.

Oh, Lucy knew there was a quick fix to this situation. And so did Natsu, judging from the angry croaks. But it wasn't the fact that Lucy didn't _like_ frogs, it was more because of the fact that--

"I'm allergic!" she gasped, her hand flying to cover her mouth, blocking the frog headed straight for her lips.

"Riiiiiibit?! " said the frog, which probably meant something to the effect of, 'What?! How can you be allergic?!'

"I tried to kiss frogs when I was little," she mumbled, cautiously picking him up and placing him on a nearby stump. "I can touch them, but if the slime gets on my face, my lips swell up like crazy, and I break out in hives and crap. It's just not a good idea."

"...riiiibit. ribiiiiiiit rrrrrrribit!," croaked Natsu, which roughly translated meant, '...Alright. So just...freakin' kiss me already!' He waved his webbed fingers in her face for emphasis. It wasn't that he didn't have any sympathy for Lucy's condition, it was more the fact that he. was. a. FROG. He wasn't even a _salamander,_ he was a _frog_. What an insult.

Lucy sighed. _I _guess_ I can sacrifice a bit for Natsu's sake, _she thought, parting her bangs out of her face and closing her eyes. Her nose scrunched up as she leaned forward. "You _totally_ owe me now," she grumbled, and received a sarcastic croak in reply.

Their lips were inches away when suddenly, a loud, angry, and high-pitched voice screamed, "OH my GOD, look girls, I found one!" The voice was followed by cheering, which Natsu thought sounded much like Loki's old fangirl mob...

Lucy jerked away, opening her eyes to find that a group of girls in similar princess garb had formed a tight arc around their tree stump...and they seemed to be armed with everything from pitchforks to nasty looking crossbows. "...Can I help you," she asked tentatively, eerily noting that the aura given off by the group was quite like that of a pack of rabid wolves.

A girl stepped up, with perfectly coifed chesnut locks and a golden tiara perched her head. "That frog. Are you going to kiss him?"

"I was…planning on it," said Lucy. She was going to add the phrase, 'Before we were freakin' interrupted,' to her sentence, but one look at the club with metal spikes that rested oh so casually on that lace trimmed shoulder...and she easily cut it out.

"Well then, since you haven't yet, I guess he's fair game," said the girl, whimsically, her lips drawn into a practiced pout, "And it's about time, you know. I've been looking for my prince for so long..."

Her golden tiara glinted in the bright sunlight as she reached towards Natsu, when an arm shot out, blocking her advances. Lucy was shocked—she had been just about to reach out her own arm. The only woman she'd seen to move _that_ fast was Erza...and that hand she just witnessed was quite possibly faster.

"Wait a moment, Gisele," said the newcomer, her face contorted into a fake smile as she grasped the hilt of a broadsword, "Who said this was _your_ prince?"

"Look, Izabel, I thought we agreed," said Gizelle, her words dripping with venom, "I get to kiss the first frog-prince we see, because _I'm_ the leader. You can have the next one!"

Izabel scoffed (while Lucy and Natsu tried to be as quiet as they could be. A catfight with this crowd would be potentially fatal). "Oh please. Look! This one is wearing a scarf, totally not your type!"

"Excuse me?!," screeched Giselle, "Just because you're--" She was cut off as a large wooden mallet smashed into the side of her head. Giselle crumbled like a rag doll as a new girl with large glasses crawled over the body, triumphantly yelling, "Now he's mine, suckahs!'

With an anonymous '_Oh no, you didn't_,' hilts flashed, bows cocked, and spears flashed as a war began over the newly discovered frog-prince Natsu. _Ha,_ he thought, surveying the mayhem, _it's just like home._

"Psst," he heard over the noisy brawl. His tongue instinctively darted out, looking for a tasty fly, but he saw Lucy's blond head bobbing towards the safety of the trees. She paused, frantically gesturing at him to follow. With a quick hop and a croak, he leaped off the stump. They had tip-toed all the way to the treeline when the amazon-princess called Izabel swung her sword to point their position. "Girls!" she said with a feral hiss, "He's getting away!"

With an unintentional 'eek!', Lucy quickly snatched up Natsu and took off into the forest. She sprinted, ran zig-zags, and soared over fallen logs like a champion hurdle runner, finally taking shelter behind a rock facing a steep ravine.

-------------

Natsu absentmindedly peered down the cliff face, trying to gauge the distance to the icy looking stream below. _Eh_, he guessed, _That's what...about fifty feet?_ _Ha! The same height as Lucy's old tower. _ He croaked, wishing they still had the length of her hair-rope.

But Lucy didn't care so much about the view, she was just glad to take a break. "You think," she panted, sinking down to rest against the wall, "You think we lost them?"

Natsu croaked in agreement. He made a mental note that the next time Fairy Tail played flag football, he'd draft Lucy first. But now it was time to get down to business. He hopped over, gently landing on her knees, patiently waiting until she caught her breath. Lucy's head dropped, and right before her lips brushed his bumpy froggy skin, a crossbow shaft whizzed through the space between them.

"You. Stand up," said a familiar voice. Lucy slowly straightened up, turning her head to recognize the girl with the glasses from the mob. Her eyes were narrowed and the princess had exchanged her mallet for a crossbow. "Hand over the frog!"

But Natsu had a tight grip on Lucy's earlobe. There was no way he was going to let one of those crazy princesses kiss him. _Especially_ when Lucy was here to do it.

At this, the girl lowered her weapon. With a quavering voice, she sniffed, "You know why I can't find a prince to marry? Even though I'm a...a _princess?_"

Lucy was torn. She could either say:

Choice A - "Because you're a crazy and deranged witch,"

Choice B - "You just tried to freakin' _kill_ me, and no guy likes that,"

or Choice C - "Cause you prob'ly look at them like you're going to eat them."

Natsu personally liked Choice A the best, substituting a few words here and there, but with an arrow trained at her heart, Lucy took the safer option: Choice D: "Maybe because...they don't know how great of a personality you have?"

"It's because my name is _MYRTLE_," screeched the rejected princess, her lip quivering as she flung her bottle-cap glasses to the ground. "No one wants to marry someone named _Myrtle_, when they can have a _Giselle_."

"Myrtle is a....nice name," Lucy stalled, backing up slowly. She cursed silently, because through her peripheral vision, the only escape route she could see was to jump off the cliff. That was definitely way worse then jumping off any tower. Who'd be there to catch her at the bottom?

"Well yeah, if you're a _fish?!" _cried Myrtle.

_'Or a turtle,_' croaked Natsu, ribbiting happily to himself. Lucy shot him a dirty glare.

Myrtle continued to wail about her failed attempts of snaring a boyfriend, showing no signs of slowing down, and Lucy felt like slamming her face repeatedly into the rock wall. It was there for a reason, wasn't it? It wasn't until the shunned princess began, for the _umpteenth time_, to label her flaws that Lucy _finally_ decided that she'd had--

"ENOUGH already," exclaimed Lucy, her sudden outburst catching Natsu by surprise.

Myrtle sniffed, raising the crossbow up again. "What? You serving wench, how dare you say that to a --"

"Look, alright, alright. I understand you're all prince-less and can't get a date, or whatever, but seriously! This one," she said, gesturing at the frog on her shoulder, "This frog-prince is with me and there is no way in hell I'm gonna let you freaks take him!"

"Fine then! I'll just have to kill you," said Myrtle, cocking the gun.

Natsu began to panic a little. Usually, he'd just kick this girl's ass himself, but in his present state, it proved to be a little...difficult. And he also knew Lucy could hold her own, but in the case of bare skin versus iron crossbow arrow, she didn't stand a chance. He peered down the ravine again. _50 feet_, he thought, _Can I pull off 50 feet?_ The chances were slim...but hey. He was the infamous Natsu, of the awe-inspiring guild known as Fairy Tail. And he also possessed awesome ninja skills. So, psh. Of course he had a plan.

Lucy rolled up her sleeves. Just as she was about to issue her challenge of "BRING IT," Natsu hooked his foot onto her earring and leaned towards the edge, pulling Lucy towards the steep cliff face. His tongue darted out, ensnaring a fly which he quickly pulled into his mouth.

"Natsu, what're you--" asked Lucy, turning her head to stare questioningly into those amphibian eyes. Her feet were teetering dangerously close to the edge but as soon as she saw, she knew. She recognized that look; she'd seen it many times. It was that damn _trust me_ look.

She would have liked more time to deliberate, but she knew she only had an instant. "Alright," she sighed.

"Hey! What're you doing? You're getting too close, my prince is going to--"

"How many times do I have to freakin' tell you, he's—" Before she could finish, Natsu leaned hard on her shoulder, lobbing the saliva-encased fly straight into Myrtle's eye. Although the weight of his frog body wasn't much, it was just enough to shift Lucy's balance, sending them over the edge as Myrtle swore to high heaven.

No matter how many times she'd done it, Lucy could never get used to this falling feeling. She could feel it in the pit of her stomach as arrows whizzed through her hair. It was quite unnerving and she felt rather...numb.

Feeling rushed back to her body as she felt Natsu's webbed hands grab her nose for support. The numbness faded...and was quickly replaced with panic when she realized that they were more than halfway down and Natsu still hadn't implemented his plan.

"Natsu!" she cried, flailing her arms. They were seconds from hitting the water when she was caught by surprise as she felt something against her lips...Then everything went black.

--------

The frog-prince and Heartphilia princess hit the water surrounded by a cloud of smoke, spraying a fine mist through the crisp air over the river. Suddenly two figures surfaced in the water...and the water in the air began to sizzle.

Natsu staggered onto the bank, emitting just enough heat to dry off his clothes...and the unconscious girl he held in his arms. He gently slid her limp body onto the ground, slipping his jacket off to serve as a make-shift pillow.

Ah ha! His plan had worked! He had managed to "kiss" her right before the collison, leaving him with just enough to time to twist their bodies, insuring that he had taken the brunt of the impact. Even though Igneel always dismissed them, he always knew those ninja skills would come in handy. Natsu turned around, bowing to the landscape. "Thank you, thank you very much," he exclaimed triumphantly before bending down to inspect his partner. Besides disheveled hair and a scuff on her knee, for the most part, Lucy looked alright.

"So," he said, rubbing his thumb over her bruised lips, "I guess I'm with you." Her lips were slightly swollen and he was relieved that the kiss with his frog self was short enough so that she was hive and rash free.

But something was wrong. He shook her gently. "Lucy?" She didn't respond...so he shook her a bit harder. "Lucy? Hey. Luce. Luce! Wake up," he said, squishing her cheeks together until she had 'fish lips'. Her head flopped to the side.

Natsu went over the list of symptoms in his mind. Swollen lips, check. Hives, clear. Rash, clear. Dizziness? Nope. But blacking out? He would have bet his new riding boots that Lucy hadn't mentioned blacking out. But damnit, he swore, kicking a rock. This was a fairy tale. _Nothing_ goes exactly right in a fairy tale.

"Why couldn't she have just grown a tail or turned into a fish-girl or something?!" he cursed, hurling rocks into the flowing river. Lucy was out and this time, he didn't have a plan. What now?

----------

From behind the cover of the brush, seven figures watched the events passing with interest.

"Did he just say she'll turn into a fish?" asked one.

"Aye, I think so. She's enchanted...but I'm hungry," said another, twitching his ears as his stomach growled.

"...But we can't eat her, look at her boobs! It'll be a waste!"

"You're right! She's stacked. We're better off selling her or something."

"I bet we can get a year's worth of fish if we sell her off to some prince."

"Ah ha, they're all looking for true love nowadays."

"I don't get it! They're all looking for it in all the wrong places. Enchanted princesses? Totally not the place to look."

----------

Natsu continued to try and wake Lucy up, but his attempts had all failed. She didn't respond to her name, water splashed in her face...she didn't even wake up to the mention of one of her beloved "designer sample sales." He would give up for now, he needed to find something to eat and some shelter, so he swung her limp body over his shoulder like a bag of rice.

"Now, which...way?," he said aloud, peering down the river in both directions. There was a forest to his back but there was no way he was going in there. These fairy tale forests housed all sorts of crazy things. He continued to survey, oblivious of the ambush that was awaiting him.

**

* * *

A/N** Sorry this one took so long, guys. Midterms have been kicking me butt...but spring break is coming up! I've been having fun writing this one, haha, so please review?


	4. The Kiss

Chapter 4 - The Kiss

Natsu stood at a crossroads, of sort.

He could go left. The path upriver was a thin muddy path, overgrown with thorny brush. But eh, maybe not. It didn't seem to be the best place to be walking around with an unconscious girl slung over your shoulder. (Especially if that girl was Lucy. She would MURDER him if she woke up, her dress torn and scratches all over her face.)

Right, it was then. Maybe the river would eventually lead them to a village of some sorts? Haha. The odds of that happening seemed to be at least one trillion to one. Natsu seemed to have extraordinarily bad luck when it came to fairy tales--if he went that way, he'd probably end up wandering for days.

So. That leaves the forest, then? He eyed the shadowed landscape warily. The dark boughs looked as if they harbored an evil monster, ready to gobble them up. That was probably the safest bet, then, Natsu figured. With directions? He didn't stand a chance. Kicking man-eating monster butt? Much better.

----------

How Natsu had managed to throw her arms haphazardly around his neck, he didn't know, but it made carrying his sleeping partner much easier. She had curled her fingers loosely in the material of his scarf. Trudging along the woodland path, he was rather thankful that he'd eaten all of those cookies at her place--He couldn't imagine how heavy she'd be if she'd eaten them all...

But he was still pretty hungry. His stomach growled noisily as he stopped for a rest under a leafy tree, gently leaning Lucy's body onto the smooth bark.

"Arghhhh, I'm so freaking hungry," Natsu complained to no one. Bushes, trees, dirt. Grass. He'd been walking for at least an hour and not once did he pass anything edible! He was better off burning something.

"Gotta make fire," mumbled the irritable boy as he glanced around. Well, duh, he was under a tree. How convenient. Yanking out a few twigs from the bark above him, he moved to the next tree over, hoping the smoke wouldn't bother the sleeping Lucy. Natsu bent down, scooping for a handful of leaves when suddenly, something heavy hit him on the back of his head.

Swearing loudly, he spun to face his attacker...but all he saw was an old burlap sack full of small rocks. "What the--"

"You idiot! You missed!" he heard, as that someone groaned. Hmm. Natsu was sure he'd heard that voice before.

"No, I'm sure I hit him! He must have a really hard head," huffed another voice.

"Ah, shudup. This girl's ridiculously heavy."

"Haha! Top heavy, for sure." The voices broke out in laughter.

"...No. It couldn't be...could it?" The salamander prince turned this way and that, finally spotting the owner of the voice under the tree with Lucy. Ah ha! Why didn't he recognize it earlier?

"HAPPY!?! IS THAT YOU?!" roared Natsu, sprinting madly to the tree, "DID YOU OPEN THE BOOK TOO?!"

"Ahhh!" yelped the little blue cat, "How'd he know my name?"

"Ah crap, he's coming! Quick, just--" But it was too late. Natsu quickly bounded up to his "best friend," snatched him up and spun around in a circle.

"Happy! Me'n Lucy've been here forever! Have you come to get us out?...When'd you grow a beard?!"

"Err...yes?" said Happy, who absolutely deserved to look utterly confused.

Natsu grinned gleefully. "Well then, let's go! I'm freaking _starv--_" He turned to Lucy, but she was gone. He had only enough time to blink when the cat in his arms quickly escaped, hightailing it off into the bushes.

"HAPPY! Where are you going?!" He barreled after his friend but once he emerged through the shrubbery, the cat had also disappeared. By now, Natsu was definitely not in a good mood, and now he'd have to go find Lucy too. Just great. He took a deep breath, ready to burn down the whole damn forest if he had to, but thankfully, there! From behind a lopsided bush and a rock shaped like an eggplant, he spied with his little ninja eye, a blue waving tail.

With the lightest of footsteps, Natsu creeped as close as he could to the rock...and then quickly snatched the tail, dragging the cat out.

"AH HA! Gotcha now, Happy," roared Natsu, triumph ringing in his voice. But hm. The cat he held by the tail looked a bit different from the Happy he'd seen earlier. Huh.

"I'm not Happy," said the blue cat. Poor thing, it had dark circles around its eyes and it spoke in a slow, lazy drawl. "My name's--"

Another blue cat (or was it the same one? Was it Happy? Natsu was confused.) emerged from the bushes. "Oh no! He's got Sleepy!" cried the cat, a look of horror on his face.

Suddenly, five similar blue cats emerged from the greenery. After a quick head count, Natsu cataloged seven of them. And although they appeared to be septuplets, each cat had a distinctive characteristic.

"...Happy, you never told me you had any brothers," said Natsu, narrowing his eyes, "And what've you done with Lucy?!"

"Hey. You, Pinky," stated one of the cats, walking forward with an aggressive swagger, "Put Sleepy down."

Natsu raised his eyebrow. Oh really. Pinky? "Who the hell do you think--"

"That's Grumpy," interrupted Sleepy, who seemed to be nodding off. "And that's...that's Bashful, Sneezy, Dopey, Doc, and there's me...and you know Happy."

One of the cats sneezed into a handkerchief. "Who's Lucy?" said Sneezy.

"The girl I was with, the sleeping one?" described Natsu, "Blonde, princess-looking, boobs."

"I didn't see anyone," said Dopey, scratching his head.

"Look, I know she's here somewhere," said Natsu. He was getting impatient. "If you don't tell me where she is, best friend or not, I'm going to kick ALL your asses back to whatever fairy tale--"

"Wait a moment there, punk," scowled Grumpy, "It's your ass that's--"

Natsu made a fist, tendrils of hot yellow flames licking his knuckles. "Try me."

The one named Doc, who had previously been busy scribbling on some sort of glowing parchment, suddenly jumped into the air, waving a small slip of paper triumphantly. "AYE! We've got a deal!"

Bashful, who hardly seemed shy anymore, excitedly clapped his hands together. "Really?! For how much?"

Doc grinned, his kitty-sized glasses glinting as he framed his chin with his paw. "I told the guy she's a smokin' hot looker with knee-high boots and then guess what? The prince says he's gonna pay top dollar! He's coming to get her right now."

"You SOLD Lucy." Natsu couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Happy, how could you?"

"It's not like she's going to a weirdo," shrugged Happy, "From what I hear, he wears these dark glasses and all the girls love him, they call him, 'The Lion.' And he's rich!"

A prince called, 'The Lion'? Natsu groaned. No freaking way. If his fairy tail life wasn't complicated enough, it was going to get even more so. He'd have to get Lucy out soon, but he'd have to find her (and wake her up) first.

"Is she ready for pick up? Her hair was kinda wet and frizzy," mused Sneezy.

Dopey nodded thoughtfully. "Well, she's in that glass box thing," he gestured off to the north somewhere, "That's bound to make her look more expensive."

Natsu dropped Sleepy, who was thankfully awake enough to land on his feet. Taking off into the bushes, he began to search in the general direction that Dopey had indicated.

----------

Natsu had decided to make it official: Roses were the absolutely. The WORST. kind of plant ever. Besides the poisonous ones, of course. Who cares if they were pretty? And whose bright idea was it to plant them in rows and arcs and circles, so close to each other that the only way to get through was to bleed yourself to death?

"When we get back," he growled, "No fish for that cat for months. Never mind, make that YEARS."

After muscling (and burning) his way through rings and rings of rose bushes, he saw it: a glass box, covered in rose petals. Upon closer inspection, it looked more like an open coffin, he thought, how romantic was that? Lucy would totally be freaked out about this later.

And there she was. Natsu walked up to the box, slightly feeling like he was at her funeral. Her hair and clothes were dry, her boots were laced up, and her lips and cheeks had just enough color to suggest she was just taking a nap. She was...quite simply, she was beautiful. With a gentle touch, he scooped her out.

As he lifted, Lucy's head tilted back, her lips parted slightly, and Natsu rolled his eyes. C'mon now! This was classic fairy tale cliche. Of course, now he'd want to kiss her. She looked _extremely_ kissable--her lips practically shouted 'Kiss me!' She'd kill him if he kissed her, he thought...or would she? He'd kissed her once already.

Natsu looked down once more. To kiss her, or not to kiss her, that was the never-ending question. "Ah, to hell with it," he mumbled. This was a fairy tale, after all. Wasn't it worth a shot? He bent down, ready to match his lips to hers when he felt something cold and sharp lightly touch the base of his neck. He twitched, a reflex.

"Why, hello there," said a voice, cool and suave. Even without looking, Natsu could feel the battle aura pulsing from the figure behind him. The blade slowly swung around, until it was level with Natsu's cheek bone. "I'd put her back into the box if I were you," said the voice.

Natsu was pissed. The blade was millimeters from his face but one wrong move on his part, and the steel could impale the sleeping princess. Slowly and deliberately, he lowered Lucy's body into the casket. As he did, he glanced up the mirrored blade. The person who held the sword was also dressed in princely garb, except he radiated the presence of a king. "What do you think you're doing with my princess?" asked the newcomer, a confident smirk on his face.

Bah. Natsu was sure that in real life, this prince wasn't such an ass. But in this damn fairy tale, Prince, King, whatever. It made no difference to Natsu, he'd pummel this punk into the ground, crown or no crown.

"It's nice to see you too, Loki," he said.

* * *

**A/N**: I'm so so so sorry that this took forever to be written. I didn't realize how soon April would come...and May is coming even quicker. AND it didn't help that I wrote half of the 1st chapter to a sequel(notreallyasequelbutIdunnowhatelsetocallit) to Snowed In(the most original title in the world, I know. My plot bunnies and I must think of better titles T_T)

So if you liked it, thought it was meh, or just horrible, review, please? ^^


	5. The Battle

Reddragon13x. That's who we've got to thank for Lucy's kick-ass (literally, now) twist, and all that came from it. ^^

* * *

Chapter 5 - The Battle

Natsu leaned back, releasing three volleyball-sized orbs of flame in quick succession at his opponent. He was absolutely certain that there was no way fairytale Loki could dodge his attack. Heck, even real life Loki would have trouble. He was sure of it. Rushing forward, he wound up to deliver the finishing blow--but the smoke cleared, and the Lion Prince was gone.

"Too slow," said Loki, slashing at Natsu's left shoulder. The fabric tore, and with an aggravated 'tsk,' the nimble salamander vaulted away. On the recoil, Natsu swung his legs in a wide, sweeping arc, but again, his opponent had dissapeared before his feet could connect.

"Dammit," he swore, glancing up to see that Loki was standing smugly, halfway across the garden. Dammit, he was fast. EXTREMELY fast. So fast, all Natsu could see was a blur. At that speed, he could easily dodge both physical and magical attacks. This was getting mighty irritating to Natsu, who had taken to swearing, "Just stand there and let me hit you!"

"Well, was that all?" Loki gloated, flitting through the bushes, "If you're done, please excuse me. I've got this new French place that I'm going to take my princess to."

"Lucy doesn't even like French," scowled Natsu, winding his arm back, "She likes Italian." And with that, he slammed his fist into the soil. The earth shuddered and groaned as if an earthquake had occured, causing the roses to violently shed their petals. The quake was just enough disturbance for Loki's steps to pause, giving Natsu just enough time to fling himself at the faltering prince.

"Heh, gotcha now," grunted Natsu, tackling him into the thick wall of Lucy's coffin. The delicate box didn't shatter but the tip of the sword scraped into the glass walls, carving deep gauge marks into the crystalline surface. Natsu instantly cringed as the screeching sound echoed through the gardens--it was _worse_ then nails on a chalkboard.

Seizing the opportunity, Loki quickly scrambled up, snatching up his blade by its fine, ruby-encrusted hilt. "Don't you ever think you'll--" he spat, abruptly stopping mid-breath, his gaze leveled at the glass coffin.

_What?_ Natsu straightened up. This was odd, real Loki never let his guard down in battle, ever. ....except when it came to his "owner." Natsu slowly turned to face the box, and he blinked. There, standing in front of them, was none other than...Lucy.

"Oh, my beautiful princess! You're awake!" fawned Loki, dropping his weapon to rush towards her, "You're more lovely then I ever imag--" He was cut off as the sole of a size 7 leather boot connected with his face. With a muffled 'oof,' the Lion Prince's dark sunglasses flew through the air, landing on a bed of roses at the same time his body collapsed in a limp heap, several feet away.

_What power! That's more like it,_ thought Natsu, grinning. "Oi! Lucy! Took you long enough!," he said, walking up to congratulate her. Right as he was about to throw his arms around her slim frame, he heard a loud crack as her fist slammed into the side of his face.

"HEY! What was that for?!" he shouted, rubbing his jaw. He irritated...but at the same time, he felt a twinge of pride that for all her short skirts and heels, his Lucy could throw a damn good punch.

"Just how hard is it, "she said slowly, "for a girl to take a freaking NAP?!"

"...Nap?!" He deadpanned. She called that a nap? She's gotta be kidding. "Lucy, you were _knocked out._ As in comatose, sleeping like a _dead log_ out. You were even _snoring_ at some points."

Lucy glared icy daggers at him. "Well, _SORRY._ I just spent all day saving your sorry ass from maniac girls who wanted to _molest_ you. Forgive me for being so fatigued."

"Excuse me? He was going to takeyou home and do who knows what with your sleeping body?!" Wasn't that reason enough to cause a racket?

Her finger shot out, accusingly, then she blinked. She quickly glanced over at the fallen body...and did a double take. _Dark sunglasses, long spikey-hair,...overly affectionate..._ "Oh god, did I just--"

"Yep."

"But that's Loki! He could have--"

Suddenly, a loud crash echoed through the area, followed by several loud voices wailing, "Our rose garden! Who could have done this to our beautiful rose garden?!"

"Aw, goshdarnit. Where the hell are we gonna showcase our girls now?!"

"Dopey, don't cry," said the same voice (Lucy looked to Natsu, very confused). "Good thing we had this security system installed."

"Aye, Doc, you're right. You know, I betcha it was that hot-headed guy who knew Happy."

"I don't know him. He just kinda picked me up and--"

"Rotating skewers of death! I hope we catch that punk," said the voice (who, from the tone and the language, Natsu knew was the one called Grumpy).

Before the button could be pushed, Lucy had grabbed Natsu by the ear, dragging him rather forcefully into the cover of the dense forest.

----------

Lucy was, plainly speaking, _freakin' _livid.

"What the heck did you get me into?!" she exclaimed as they walked blindly between the trees. It was darker in this region of the forest--so dark she could barely see the sky. Natsu had taken to burning uneven patches into the thick grass to mark their progress.

"Psh, nothing! I didn't make you fall asleep," he grumbled, his stomach grumbling even louder. Angry girl, angry stomach. Totally not the ideal partners for being lost in the woods.

Lucy angrily flicked her hair over her shoulder. "One moment, I was falling after I jumped off a cliff, which may I remind you, was _your idea._ And the next moment, I wake up to this horrible screechng noise, and I'm in a freaking _coffin!_"

"At least I saved you from Loki. He was creepy." Natsu grimaced at the thought.

Taking a deep breath, Lucy paused to lean against a tree. "And I knocked him out," she groaned in dispair, "He could have saved us! We could have gotten him to tell the Master that we're stuck in here..."

"No, he was different," said Natsu, plopping down onto a greener patch of grass, "Or at least he wasn't the Loki we know. I don't think he recognized me...It was like he was a part of this damn story."

"I can't even tell what story this is," Lucy mumbled, "First it was Rapunzel. Then it was like Sleeping Beauty or Snow White. Or something. Argh, I don' t know."

There was no reply, he was too hungry to form coherent sentences. As Natsu sat there, all he could think about was food. FOOD. Tasty noodle bowls, BBQ chicken...steak. Or perhaps some cake? He wasn't a cake-kinda guy, he actually preferred pie. But cake, mmm. He nodded. Cake.

"Natsu? Natsu, are you even listening to me," Lucy droned. His brain was automatically translating her words to 'blah blah blah.' But cake, yeah. Hmm, that was odd, now he could actually smell it...and it smelled really. Really. Good.

Now, Lucy seemed a bit frustrated. She was standing right over him, lecturing about...something. "Blah blah bl--" she would have said, but he cut her off when he abrubtly stood up, nose in the air.

"Hey Luce, you smell that?" Chocolate cake? Nah. Well, maybe. Probably. Or was it chantilly...or red velvet?

Her eyes narrowed. "...No," she said, slowly, "And why are you...drooling?"

Natsu began to walk towards the source of the smell. It was as if an invisible string attached to his navel was tugging him forward, guiding him down an unseen path to sugary goodness. "Lemon...creme...."

Throwing her hands up, Lucy resignedly followed him, trudging through the woods. He took a left turn here, a right turn there...she doubted that he knew where was going, but following him was better then nothing. Inhaling, she paused...but she couldn't smell anything but pine. ...but wait. Taking a deeper breath, she could have sworn that she had caught the faint aroma of...custard?

Suddenly, the drooling boy tripped, falling through a pair of bushes...to land in a tiny, well-disguised clearing. As soon as she wiggled through the tiny space, Lucy's senses were overwhelmed with the a smell that screamed...of baking and sugar. WIth a _strong_ emphasis on the sugar.

There, in a small corner of the field, was a house. Not just any house--its front steps were made of crisp loaves of french bread, the window panes were thin sheets of sugar, and the most impressive piece, the door, consisted of a single piece of thick, opaque rock candy.

And on the spinach quiche adorned porch, stood a young woman, wearing a soft pink dress and a light blue apron. Her gleaming ivory locks were pulled into a loose knot on the top of her head, and in her delicate hands, she held a platter with a scrumptious chocolate cake.

"That smells....so....good," drooled Natsu, lifting his head from the forest floor.

"Why, hello there," said the woman, a good-natured smile coloring her features, "I was expecting you! Would you like a slice of cake?"

Natsu didn't think twice. In a heartbeat, he was standing on the porch, half of the cake stuffed in his mouth.

"Take your time!" giggled the woman, covering her mouth, "Lucy, would you like some? I've baked your favorite."

Picking her way through the gumdrop trimmed lawn, Lucy moved in closer because she couldn't believe her eyes.

"...Mira? Mira, is that you?"

"Miwa, whaf yoor haus mad of? Iz tastee," garbled Natsu, his mouth full as he sampled the flavors of the porch. He inquisitively held a small, tan square of paneling in his hand.

"Gingerbread, of course! Now, why don't you two come in side? There's plenty more where that came from," said Mira, smiling invitingly as she ushered her guests inside.

Facing the door, she closed it with a soft click. Her eyes clouded and a dark grin creeped onto her face as she licked her lips. "Oh, my dears, don't worry. There's definitely _plenty_ more."

* * *

**A/N**: I like Mira. And I rather like dark, rocker/biker chick Mira. Oh, I want to write Erza in next but I don't know what to do with her. And Grey too! What fun. :D

But oh, my dears, SUMMER. It's coming, and I can SMELL it. :3


	6. The Witch

Chapter 6 - The Witch

"So, um. Natsu," said Mira, allowing just the slightest hint of worry to show through her plastered smile, "After eating all that, are you still...hungry?"

"Mmph," he nodded. Natsu was sprawled out at Mira's extra-large dining table, surrounded by the most food Lucy had ever seen. Chewing audibly, he was working his way through platters of barbecued chicken, plates of steamed fish--even an entire roasted pig. Clearing his throat, Natsu banged a fist on the table. "Of course! I'm so hungry I could eat a freakin' elephant."

A visible sweatdrop rolled down Mira's white locks. ...an elephant. Right. Turning to Lucy, who was sitting rather meekly with her bowl of beef broccoli stir-fry, she asked, "Luce, is that all you're going to eat? C'mon, don't be shy. I've got plenty!"

Lucy shook her head. "Nah, I'm good. But really Mira, thanks, the food is delicious."

"No problem! Anything for my guildmates," she grinned, quickly shoving a chocolate milkshake into Lucy's hands. "Here you go! And please...uh...just excuse me for a bit."

Taking off into the safety of her kitchen, Mira let out a loud sigh. Really?! Those kids! Or rather, that boy. She glanced around at her empty shelves. He was eating her out of house and home. Literally. Was this really worth it? All this just for a taste of delicious, suckling, sweet human--

"HEY MIRA! MORE RAMEN PLEASE!"

She sighed again, pulling herself up and retying her apron. Oh gosh, all this had better be worth it.

But when she arrived in her cluttered dining room, laden with bowls of simmering miso ramen, she was flabbergasted. Lucy had vanished in search of a bathroom but there--encircled by a ring of empty dishes, sat Natsu. The poor dining chair he sat on looked ready to collapse as he sat face down in a half-eaten blueberry pie. Compared to his usual athletic self, he had grown visibly and dramatically...rounder. Mira abandoned her bowls, walking around the bloated salamander to estimate her work. He had about the same waistline as a chubby dairy cow! SUCCESS!

With a mighty heave, she managed to push him off the chair, rolling him slowly towards the kitchen. Barely fitting through the door, Mira began to try to stuff her prize into the oven...but there was a problem.

"Arg, just FIT already," she complained, trying to arrange Natsu's new bulk into her oven. But no matter how hard she tried, kicked, or shoved, his body just wouldn't fit.

"Oh, for the love of--" Mira exclaimed. The sleeves of her delicate cashmere sweater were interfering with her work so she tore it off impatiently, revealing a tough as nails, black leather corset, trimmed in a delicate and fine lace. The Stepford wife persona vanished as she grit her teeth, determined to start baking. Just as she was about to try again, something felt...off. As if someone were watching her. Not taking her hands off Natsu, she turned her head...to see a very shocked Lucy standing in the doorway.

Lucy stood, openly gaping as she leaned aganist the doorframe for support. That was Mira...who had become scary demon Mira...and that was the ridiculously full, Natsu. And she was trying to shove him into an oven. So she could eat him. Or turn into pie. Or something.

A light bulb went off in Lucy's head. "Oh god. Hansel and Gretel." Curse that damn milkshake. Chocolate was her weak spot and it had distracted her...but now, was it too late to save Natsu? His head stuck out of the oven and in a desperate attempt of rescue, Lucy lunged forward, grasped both sides of his head, and yanked.

"What are you doing?!" screeched Mira as she scrambled to push him in, elbowing Lucy at the same time. Did this stupid girl not realize that he had to be in the oven while the temperature was still hot? Seriously!

"I'm not going to let you EAT HIM," Lucy screeched back, yanking even harder. Appliances and dishes flew during the frenzy.

Natsu mumbled out a groan as they fought over his body. He felt overwhelmingly full, but those were the consequences when one tried to eat a 12-course meal for eight by oneself. And now, how horrible, people were shoving at his full stomach, pulling his hair, and a couple black lacquered fingernails came awfully close to poking his eye out. He felt like he was quite close to barfing...and yet, it felt rather...nice.

"Why don't you just eat your stupid house?!" argued Lucy, her hands wrapped in the scarf as she pulled.

Mira was beyond pissed. Not only had the temperature gone below optimum, but her kitchen had become damaged beyond repair. "Because I hate gingerbread," she snarled.

"Then make it out of bacon?!"

"...bacon. Bacon?" said Natsu, his voice sounding muffled from the oven. Bracing his legs, he pushed off of the oven wall, forcing his body out of the overstuffed space. He landed on his feet like a fat cat, making the checkerboard tiles groan and creak.

"Thanks, Mira, Lucy," he yawned, coughing stray flames as he rubbed his full stomach. "That massage did just the trick, now I've got space for round two!"

"...Round two?" Mira squinted in disbelief. Seriously. He must be kidding. With the amount this kid just ate, he should be dead. And now, he wants go for round two?

Lucy couldn't believe it either. "Natsu, are you alrigh--"

"I like my bacon crispy! And I'll take it with four eggs, sunny side up, a plate of hash browns and...a gallon of orange juice," he said, throwing a heavy arm around Lucy's shoulders and dragging her towards the dining room. "Hey Luce, you think that'll be enough?"

"Natsu, she just tried to eat you!" she hissed, trying not to glance at the scorched ceiling.

"Mira? Ah, you must be so hungry, you can't see straight."

"No, really, she tried to shove--"

"That massage was GREAT." Dodging stray cutlery on the floor, Natsu had to turn sideways to shimmy through the kitchen doorway.

"Natsu! You aren't listening to me! We've got to get out of here!"

"Ah, Mira! Can I add an order of pancakes? A short stack! So like...15 of 'em. Kay tha--"

"OUT," Mira fumed, her finger shaking as she pointed to the back door, "GET OUT."

"But Mira, I'm still hungr--"

Black, leathery bat wings unfurled from Mira's back, flapping meancingly as she glared at the pair. "Get out! My kitchen is EMPTY! And DESROYED because of you. You're not even worth eating, now GET OUT!?!"

Lucy didn't need to be told twice. Before the horns could emerge, she firmly took a hold of Natsu's chubby hand. With a strength she didn't know she had, she hauled his heavy body out of the house and they roughly landed in the gumdrop meadow.

Before they had the chance to scramble to their feet, the vandalized gingerbread house disappeared in a puff of black smoke.

----------

At least there was some sort of path, Lucy thought, and at least it was a nice one. The cobblestone walkway they were leisurely strolling down led away from that wretched house and was landscaped with yellow tulips.

"And at least we've been fed," she called, glancing behind her to see Natsu slowly making his way down the path. Lucy figured that if she put her arms around his waist, she'd probably only get halfway around. Probably.

Contrary to belief, Natsu was actually comfortably full. He just wished he could feast like that more often. "What'd you say?"

Lucy frowned. "I said, at least we've been fed," she said again, glancing back. Except this time, instead of continuing on her merry way, she did a double-take, tripping over a raised cobble. Lucy would have tumbled into a well-arranged group of bluebells if Natsu hadn't caught her by the elbow.

"Luce, you aiight?"

Lucy was very confused. The boy standing in front of her was...thin, back to his normal shape and size. She held her hands out and brought them together. "Natsu, just a moment ago, I could have sworn..."

"Oh this? Dragon-slayer metabolism," he said, patting his miraculously flat stomach. "Nice, eh?"

She blinked. "But you just ate..."

"Enough. I'll probably be hungry in an hour or so," shrugged Natsu. He started at a jog down the path. "C'mon, Lucy, you hear that? It sounds like--"

Once he turned the corner, Natsu's voice was drowned out by the faint echo of a sound she hadn't noticed earlier. It was like a cross between a crash and a boom. As she countinued down the way, the sound got louder until she recognized the unmistakable pattern of--

"The Sea! Lucy, it's the sea!" cried Natsu, excitedly picking her up by the waist, spinning her around in a loose circle.

Laughing as her feet finally touched the ground, she gazed at the beautiful view. The beaches in fairy tales were said to be flawless and this particular beach did not disappoint. The white sand glistened as the shimmering, clear blue water lapped at the shore. Large palms provided shade and smooth, flat rocks jutted out of the ocean surface.

Lucy shaded her eyes against the warm sunlight. There! On the largest rock, something was sunbathing...but on closer inspection, it seemed to be someone. She couldn't believe her eyes. "Hey Natsu, is that a...mermaid?"

"WHERE," said Natsu. Seeing the figure, he crossed his arms. "Hmm, I dunno, Luce. That doesn't look like a tail."

"It does! She's got a dark purple tail."

His nose scrunched up. "I'd say...it looks more like a towel."

"Not even," she scoffed, gathering her skirts and marching off to the beach. "C'mon, let's go look!"

----------

Lucy stopped, ankle-deep in the cool ocean water as Natsu thundered in, making a small tidal wave of his own. The wave towered over the rock, drenching the sunbathing figure in a shower of salty foam.

"Hey!" protested the figure, smoothing pale strands of hair out of her face, "Lucy, tell your boyfriend to watch it. Some of us like being dry, thank you very much."

Lucy closed her eyes, groaning inwardly. She mentally braced herself, in case an angry tsunami was sent her way. "Err...sorry about that, Aquarius."

"Eh, its fine," said Aquarius, rearranging her body on the rock, "Being the sea-witch does have its perks." She snapped her fingers and the entire party was instantly dry.

From the waist up, Aquarius looked like a beautiful girl. Her hair was cut short, swept dramatically upwards, and at her throat, she wore a lone, delicate shell. It looked like she was wearing a strapless, dark purple sheath dress, but where her legs should have been, the dress split into eight tentacles. (Which were neither a tail, nor a towel. Natsu grudgingly acknowledged a draw.)

"Ah, you're a stellar spirit too," mused Natsu, floating on his back, "What're you doing in this story thing?"

Aquarius smoothed out a tentacle. "Besides being the almighty sea-witch? Why little 'ol me, I just struck a bargain. This pretty little red head traded me her voice if I transformed her tail into some legs."

"Really?!" Natsu clambered onto the rock, eager to discuss the drama of the day. "So why'd she do that?"

"Eh, she wanted to meet this prince guy. Super handsome fellow. I'd say he's got a weird tattoo, but whatever."

"I'd rather have a tail, I think," shrugged Natsu, lazily splashing at Lucy.

"But get this! Some other chick comes, I didn't care for her haircut. Too severe, but for red head's voice, she makes me an ice sculpture of myself! I gave it to my boyfriend, it's in his apartment. Isn't that grand?"

"Totally! I'd say that's a bargain."

Aquarius smiled, a smug grin on her face (while Lucy covertly rolled her eyes). "Of course! It's what I do."

"So Aquarius, the redhead. Whatever happened to her?" asked Lucy.

"Mmm, why don't you see for yourself? I think that's them, over there." With a mother-of-pearl manicured finger, Aquarius pointed towards the corner of the beach.

Squinting for a better look, Natsu spotted two figures strolling hand in hand along the beach. "Ha, you're right. Why would you want a tattoo on your face like that?"

Lucy stretched out on the warm rock. With the water gently lapping against the rough edge and the sun's rays soaking into her skin, she felt utterly relaxed. Too bad all fairy tales aren't like this...

"Yep, they look pretty happy," said Natsu. He watched as the tattooed prince slipped his arm around his companion's shoulders. The girl blushed, combing her fingers through her flowing hair.

Suddenly, a very uncharacteristic fairy tale event occurred--a large barracuda leapt out of an incoming wave, straight at the unsuspecting couple. Like a streak of silver lightning, the deadly barbed teeth shot towards them. And then, there was an even faster flash of gold as the fish landed on the sand, sliced cleanly in two. The "redhead," as Aquarius had put it, stood proudly before her conquest, comfortably wielding a long, beautiful yet imposing sword.

The glint of the blade was easily visible, even to the rock where Natsu, Lucy, and the sea-witch played spectator. On the beach, the redhead sheathed her sword, running into the waiting arms of her prince.

"Well, I guess we found Erza," said Lucy.

In all the commotion, no one noticed the lithe form of a dark haired woman, waiting at the other side of the beach. She also watched the events unfold, tossing a small ball of ice between her thin fingers.

* * *

**A/N**: I realize that I deserve to be shot for my lateness. But Yay! Little Mermaid! With an Erza twist, of course. :3


	7. The Red Hood

Chapter 7: The Red Hood

"You know, I never really pictured Erza as a princess," said Natsu, artfully lounging with Lucy and Aquarius on the sea-witch's rock. The crash of the waves was like a lullaby, and he was getting a bit drowsy. "Especially not a mermaid princess."

"Well, she does have a girly side" Lucy pointed out, "And maybe she likes mermaids? I did, once."

"I know, I know, but she's _Erza_. Maybe a warrior princess then."

"Why not all three?" mumbled Aquarius, ever the mediator when the situation got too noisy for nice, peaceful, and quiet lounging. "Warrior Mermaid Princess Erza. There. Voila. I'm a genius."

As they trio discussed, said Warrior Mermaid Princess Erza and her prince were strolling down the magnificent royal beach. The prince laughed, and Lucy was sure that Erza would have, too, if she hadn't traded her voice and tail for legs. Lucy chuckled to herself as she spotted the sturdy hilt of the Erza's weapon, peeking out from the pleats of her skirts. It was common knowledge that nothing in this world would separate the Titania from her sword.

Natsu lazilly unbuttoned the top of his shirt, rolling up his sleeves to his elbows. "So Luce, this is 'The Little Mermaid,' then, right?"

"Oh, how ever did you guess?" drawled the sea-witch, sitting up straight to comb a lazy hand through her stark white hair. "Was it the tentacles? Or redhead's legs. You've got to admit, I gave her some preeeety nice legs."

"Natsu, I'm surprised you know this one," said Lucy, dangling her feet into the cool water. "Especially since you didn't even know the story of Rapunzel."

He snorted like it was obvious. "Well, duh, Luce. It was a movie. Haven't you seen it?"

Lucy sighed and rolled her eyes. _Well, duh_, she should have known.

"Okay, so I know the whole part about the legs and the voice," Natsu continued, "But if you're that crazy octopus witch--"

Aquarius scoffed. "_Excuse me?_ I am not _crazy_."

"--Then where's the other girl? You know, the one who's gotta steal the prince guy away so we can have an all-out cat fight."

"I don't knowww," mumbled Lucy. She pulled her feet out, rolling over to lie face down on the warm rock. "Who cares. This feels so gooood. We haven't been able to relax since we've got here, Natsu, let's enjoy the moment."

"Oh Lucy, I'm so proud," Aquarius gushed, "Finally, you've learned."

This time, it was Natsu's turn to roll his eyes. He turned his attention back to the beach. Hmm? He scooted forward as a woman emerged from the bushes, slithering towards the pair.

"Hey guys, look at that," he said, eagerly nudging Lucy's limp foot, "...Is that her?"

----------

Erza was in heaven, or at least, she thought so. She beamed at Prince Gerard, and was absolutely (_absolutely!_) thrilled when he returned a radiant smile back in her direction.

Now, if only she could get him to kiss her.

"Oh Erza, isn't this a beautiful day?" said Gerard. The collar of his white shirt flapped loosely in the ocean breeze, exposing part of his sculpted chest.

Erza nodded earnestly. _Why, yes! This beach is surely beautiful, your Highness._

Gerard chuckled, tucking a loose strand of her hair behind her ear. "But don't worry, my love, the day is not nearly as beautiful as you."

Erza smiled dreamily as she melted into a puddle. Then, her wonderfully handsome prince broke her out of her trance by lifting up her chin.

"Erza, since you've been a part of my life, I've never been happier," he softly said, looking into her eyes. Gerard brushed his hair out of his face, tilted his head and leaned forward.

_Ah! This could be it! Kiss me! Kiss me!_ Erza tightly closed her eyes, puckering her ruby lips. But as she leaned forward, instead of kissing her beloved Gerard, her lips were stung by something bitter and cold.

_What?!_ Erza abruptly pulled back, her lips bruised an icy white. Gerard was staring forward at the girl walking towards them, who was deftly rolling a cue-ball sized chunk of ice between her long fingers.

----------

"Ohmygawd, ohmygawd, that's her! The other girl!" howled Natsu, ineffectively pulling at one of Aquarius' tentacles. "Quick! Do SOMETHING! We've got to save Erza!?!"

"Are you talking to me?" she said indifferently, swatting him away. "Sea witches don't get involved with the affairs of mortals. It's a company policy."

"Oh yeah, the whole voice, leg, and ice sculpture trade," said Lucy, "That was nothing."

Aquarius huffed indignintaly. "Please, those trades were between mermaids. Immortals. Clearly within the rules."

"AHHHH she's getting closer!" Natsu was watching the proceedings in horror.

Lucy was getting nervous, herself. "Really, there's nothing you can do?" she asked.

Looking thoughfully at the clouds, Aquarius snapped her ring-clad fingers. "Ah ha! I've got it! I can transform you both into sea animals. Then you can do as you wish! Natsu, you can be...a crab! A little red one...and Lucy, you'll be a fat little yellow fish. How about it?"

Natsu began to impatiently jump up and down. "Just do it!"

Lucy, on the other hand, wasn't too thrilled. "A _fat_ yellow fish? Why do I have to be _fat_?!"

"Alright, alright, but it'll take me a while," said the sea-witch, ignoring her master in another world (Lucy narrowed her eyes, suspecting that this treatment was payback for some ill summoning). She snapped her fingers again and a roll of crisp parchment, a glowing golden quill, and an ink pot appeared on the rock before them. "But of course, _you know_, there's always a price to pay..."

----------

The girl that strode towards them was blue where Erza was red. From her sleek, blue-black locks to the robin's egg shade of her frosty yet clear blue eyes, the newcomer was unmistakeably beautiful, but a hard coldness radiated from her every step. She was an ice queen.

"Why, hello darling," said the girl to Gerard as she stopped a few feet away from the couple. The girl's voice was frosty and clear, with a bell-like quality. "..._Wench_," she sneered, addressing Erza.

Confusion colored Gerard's attractive features. "Who are you?"

The girl smiled. "Don't worry, dear, the ocean trash won't bother you much longer."

Before Erza could draw her weapon, the girl's ice ball began to glow and a mysterious thing began to happen. Gerard's arms loosened from around Erza's waist and he began to walk towards the girl as if he were sleepwalking. Erza glanced up at her prince, but his usually bright eyes were dull and clouded.

The girl laughed, but now, her voice was...different. It had remained clear but it had deepened slightly, sounding proud, strong, and confident. From her voice, one would assume that she could effortlessly lead troops into battle. Gerard shuffled his feet towards her and she eagerly hooked her arm at his elbow.

"That voice...Erza?," mumbled Gerard.

"Erza? Oh gosh," the girl scoffed, "That's a commoner's name. Call me Urtear, instead. Doesn't that sound more beautiful? More...queen-like?"

"...Of course, my love," he said.

Urtear possesively ran her fingers along the side of Gerard's face. "Tough luck, princess," she smirked at Erza. "If only you had--"

There was a defiant flash as a golden sword sliced through the air. The sharp edge of the blade cut swiftly through the ball of ice, releasing a shower of red sparks into the air.

Urtear stepped back in anger and surprise as Gerard looked up, blinking as if he had just woken up from a nap. "Why you," she hissed, reaching for a concealed weapon in her snowy blue robes.

But Warrior Mermaid Princess Erza was faster. Before Urtear could blink, Erza had closed the gap between them, crushed the remains of the sorcerous iceball, and unarmed her of the thin, elegant dagger. (On the sidelines, an exhausted flounder and crab collapsed onto the beach.)

Erza stood over her opponent. With a sharp crack, the back of her hand caught Urtear squarely on the cheek, causing her to yelp. (_'YAHHH, SHOW 'EM HOW ITS DONE, ERZA!!!'_ cheered the red crab, jabbing his claw into the air)

"I suppose a thanks are in order, for getting my voice back," said Erza, her brows knit together as she glared death, hell, and destruction down upon the whimpering Urtear. She threw the dagger into the sand, leaving the hilt to protrude among the colorful seashells. "But if you ever, ever, cross my path again, I cannot promise that I will be as forgiving."

And with that, the Titania stalked off.

"Wait, Erza! My love," Gerard sputtered, raising a hand. "Where are you going?"

Erza didn't look back, choosing to gaze at the swirling ocean waves instead. "Our time was beautiful, Gerard, but I must go. I know there is a higher calling for me out there." She paused, and with a soft voice, she whispered, "I will always love you. Goodbye."

"But Erza, wait! But I love you! Erzaaaaa!" cried Gerard but his cries fell on determinded ears. Erza walked slowly but surely off the beach and into the forest.

----------

Gerard sat on the sand, his back towards the ocean. A lonely tear ran down his cheek. His beloved had departed, off to pursue her life mission. He glanced around. The beach was not nearly as beautiful, now that she gone. He sat on the beach, wallowing in self-pity when a loud poof of smoke erupted near him.

"Ohhhh _mygawd_," moaned the red (more pink. Like Erza's soft lips! Oh, how Gerard missed her already.) haired boy, as he collapsed onto the sand, frantically rubbing his legs. "Lucy! My legs! If I have to walk sideways again," he complained.

A beautiful girl knelt next to him, shaking strands of seaweed from her legs and being careful of sitting down. "Oh please! Fish don't have legs, Natsu, imagine having to swim with your butt!"

"Damn Aquarius, next time, summon her in a freakin' toilet bowl," cursed Natsu. He remembered vividly in his mind that the sea-witch had promised that the transformation to sea creature, and back, wouldn't hurt one bit.

_Oh, don't worry, it'll be painless! said the sea-witch, rolling up her new contract, A little dash here, a little dot there and voila. Easy as pie! Now excuse me, my tootsie-wootsie eels are calling for their mommy. Toodles!_

"We'll see," Lucy groaned, slowly standing up. "But remember? I traded away my right to summon her on Tuesdays! So she can spend more time with her boyfriend. Super hot sea-king guy. "

"Argh! Lucy, Erza's gone! Hurry up, we're going to miss her!" said the one called Natsu, pushing himself up. Gerard admired the sheer will it took for the young man to stand. Before the blond girl could pull herself to her feet, Natsu had zoomed off into the forest.

"So," said Gerard, looking at the girl hopefully, "...are you my new princess from the sea?"

Lucy grimaced. Before she could choke out an eww, gross, sorry, or insult, the red-haired boy zoomed back, glared at Gerard in much the same way Erza used to (Erzaaaa! His beloved! His life was so empty without her, Boo hoo hoo), and zoomed them both away into the distance.

----------

"Man, I'm tired of him already," said Natsu. He and Lucy were searching the forest for any sign of Erza.

"Me too! He just won't...go away," Lucy offered, as she parted some bushes.

They searched for a good 15 minutes until by chance, they stumbled onto a small pond. It reminded Natsu so much of that wretched pond from before, he refused to step within 5 feet of the muddy banks. He scowled. Damn enchanted water, it had turned him into a frog prince! But he shrugged. I guess it wasn't so bad. Got to swim, eat flies. Plus, I got to kiss Lucy a few times. A devilish grin spread on his face. Heh heh.

Lucy, who was sure that this pond wasn't cursed (There was no warning sign!) searched the area, where she found Erza's soft cotton sundress piled in a heap on the bank.

She looked towards the shade and there, under the boughs of a fragrant apple tree stood the Fairy Queen. She was protected by her familiar Heart Kreuz armor, and her sword was prominently displayed on her hip.

"Erza!" Lucy ran up to her guild-mate, wrapping her arms around the stiff, iron-clad shoulders.

"Lucy, Natsu, its good to see you," Erza smiled, "Nice boots, Lucy."

Natsu poked his head out from behind a tree. "So, you...remember us? You're not going to eat us or anything? We're all good?"

"Of course! Nakama never forget each other." Erza clenched a gloved fist.

Lucy frowned a little. "I'm sorry about Gerard. I knew you still had feelings for him."

Erza shrugged, the chain mail of her skirt clinking together. "It's alright. He was getting a bit needy. He always wanted to be with me! Always! And plus, there was something else..."

"Whatcha going to do now?" asked Natsu, gesturing at the large wooden basket at Erza's feet. The basket was large enough to hold a picnic for four (or one dragonslayer).

"Oh, that's right! You said you had found your calling, I remember now," Lucy said. "Are you going off to battle and is that your lunch?"

"Yeah, maybe you can go save some princesses. They're all stuck in towers, clueless," Natsu teased, throwing a small rock in Lucy's direction, where she unceremoniously gave him the finger.

"No, my life calling is something more important! More meaningful then war or princesses!" said Erza.

"Really? What is it then?"

"Catering. I'm going to run a catering business," Erza grinned excitedly, clasping her hands together.

Lucy wasn't sure what to say. "...catering?"

"Yes! It'll be called Red Riding Hood, after our wonderful trademark uniforms," she said, pulling out two red cloaks and handing them to her guildmates. "Here, put them on."

"How come you don't have to wear them?" sulked Natsu, tying the cloak around his neck. Bah, why'd he have to wear this? The stupid prince get up had pushed his patience but this..._this?_ He made a face at Lucy, who seemed pleased that the hood complimented her outfit.

"Me? My hair is iconic enough," said Erza, proudly shaking out her scarlet locks. "Now, my staff, let us be off!"

"Wait wait, we're working for you?" asked Natsu. "I didn't--"

Erza turned. Her face was straight but her infamous blade was unsheathed...and its tip was pointed straight at him. "Come now, staff, let. us. be. off."

Lucy and Natsu cringed, each taking up a side of the picket basket. "...Yes, Erza," they mumbled.

Beaming apprecation, Erza led the way into the woods, with a little skip in her step. Little did she know that a shady presence was tracking their progress!

* * *

**A/N: **I couldn't help but poke fun at Gerard. But you've got to admit, his act _is_ getting kinda old! :3


	8. The Wolf

Chapter 8 - The Wolf

"So, Erza--" Natsu called out as he hoisted the wicker basket onto his shoulder. He swore a little bit, under his breath when he noticed that he was getting an uneven basket tan.

"It's BOSS." With the flick of a stiff length of leather (Which Lucy suspected was a _riding crop?!_), said supervisor-in-charge turned and smiled an eerily cheerful grin while never slowing the pace. "Yes, Natsu? Did you need something?"

"Er--I mean Boss, where are we going?" asked Lucy, catching herself as she lugged a thick canvas bag, full of plates and utensils, over a jutting rock. Her red hood hung on loosely by its ties around her neck. Thankfully, Natsu had traded her his embellished jacket and his hood for her share of the load...which none of them dared to peek at. But honestly, it felt like they were lugging around a basket full of _cannonballs_.

"Our customer today is an old man who lives in a little house deep in the forest," said Erza. She paused to strong-arm a large boulder off the path, sending it ricocheting off the steep cliff face to their side. "He's like my grandpa! Well, almost."

Lucy wasn't sure what worried her more: her scary employer _(C'MON Lucy, put your back into it_, _tee hee!_) or the upcoming showdown with the wolf. Maybe the wolf scenario would be better...she was with Natsu _and_ Erza, after all. They were two of the strongest members of the guild! But, Fairy Tail was infamous for being unpredictable..._particularly_ those two. She sighed. Oh, what a wonderful day this was turning out to be...

----------

Slowly but surely, Erza and her workers made it through the woods and to the house...If one could even call it a house, that is.

"This...is _not_ a house," said Natsu, lowering the basket from his shoulders. He had been expecting a little wooden cabin, with maybe a chimney, a bird house...and perhaps a tiny mailbox shaped like a rooster. _This_ was definitely not what he was expecting.

"Hmm?" asked Erza, looking at the "cabin." She adjusted the scabbard at her waist. "Of course its a house! What else would it be?"

"...A castle," said Lucy, speaking with authority, "That is castle." She had to lean backwards to even _see_ the red flags at the top of the tallest tower_. _The Heartphilias _did_ formerly live in a castle, after all.

"Well, I suppose it could be castle. There's no princess here, however." Erza shrugged as she expertly threw a dagger into a small target near the moat (_How can it _not_ be a castle? It has a _MOAT_, _the workers whispered to each other). The wooden drawbridge creaked as it slowly lowered to the ground, creating a bridge for them to cross.

Once they had lugged all of their provisions into the expansive castle grounds, Erza led Natsu and Lucy into the great hall. Lucy's eyebrows involuntarily raised as she stared at the numerous portraits adorning the walls. They were all of beautiful women, who were rather...

"...Volumptious. That's what you were thinking," scoffed Natsu under his breath. He deftly dodged the elbow aimed for his ribs.

Erza frowned as she surveyed the empty throne. "Hmm, I guess he'll be in his quarters then." She pulled out a ring laden with thick brass keys and unlocked a heavy, worn wooden door that was tucked away in a corner. "Alright, this way," she said, gesturing towards the steep staircase beyond the door frame. Small square windows peeked through the stone at irregular intervals, giving the staircase a dusty appearance.

"Um...Erza, what about this?" tentatively asked Natsu, pointing at the basket.

"And this!" chimed in Lucy, holding up her bags.

"Of course, bring it on your way up! You're both doing a great job," she said, flashing the pair a radiant smile before beginning her jaunt up the stairs.

"...you had to ask?" Lucy complained with a tired sigh as she climbed the first of many stairs, dragging her hood and her bag of forks. She had haphazardly stuffed Natsu's jacket between the plates and its gold buttons glinted in the hazy sunlight as she pulled the bag up each stair.

Mumbling, Natsu heaved the basket onto his shoulder once again. "Well, if you think about it," he grimaced (_damn these cannonballs!_), "If we showed up at the top with no stuff, she'd make us walk back down and get 'em. Again."

This caused Lucy to sigh even louder.

"Want to bet that 'our client' is in the bedroom at the top of the tallest tower of the castle?" Natsu joked, taking two steps at a time.

She snorted, shaking her head. "No way, I'm not in the mood to lose anything."

----------

"You should have bet!" smirked Natsu, sliding the basket from his tan shoulder onto the exquisite marble tiles, "You would have won."

"Technicalities, Technicalities," she smirked back, rolling her eyes. Erza had led them straight _through_ the bedroom and up an even dustier and narrower staircase...which led to the _attic_. Of the bedroom at the top of the tallest tower of the castle. It was all technicalities!

"I wonder why he's up here?" wondered Lucy, "He's got just as much stuff in this room as in the one below us. And if he stays in the this one, he's got to climb that little staircase."

"Privacy, probably," Natsu said, "But more likely, its the view. Look at that." The walls of half of the room had been replaced with giant windows. From this distance, one could see the beach they had found Erza at, all the way across the kingdom to the steep, snowy peaked mountains.

As they tore their eyes away from the magnificent view, they saw that Erza was already hovering near the king sized canopy bed, draped with gauzy gold curtains to hide the person sitting in it. The person in it was breathing hard, as if he was old...or if he had just run a marathon. She quickly scooped up the wicker basket and the bag, setting up shop on the gold plated nightstand. Reaching in, she effortlessly produced a large, thick-walled, cast-iron stockpot and matching iron bowl (_Cast-iron? Ever heard of paper plates?_ scoffed Natsu, under his breath) . With a titanium serving spoon, she served chicken noodle soup to the man in the bed.

"Here, Master, eat this. I had Mira make it fresh and early this morning," said Erza. The master! Perhaps he could save them? Hope swelled in the pair, but still, Natsu and Lucy exchanged worried looks. Well...it _was_ true that Mira was an excellent cook, even if her choice of ingredients was a bit..._different_.

"...um, thanks, Erza. This is great," said the man. Thankfully, the person in the bed did not look like a wolf at all! Lucy had been expecting the voice of a sickly, older gentleman (or a scratchy wolf howl), but the speaker sounded like a young man. His voice was a bit gravelly and metallic and a bit like _someone_'s voice...but nah, it couldn't be him. Lucy put the thought out of her mind.

But Natsu's senses were much more sensitive. His eyes grew wide and his eyebrows scrunched together as he stalked up to the foot of the bed. Through the curtains, he could barely make out the outline of the figure, but one feature (or two) stood out.

"Why Master," said Natsu, "What big arms you have!"

"Err...all the better to hug you with, my dear Natsu," stammered the Master, trying to cover his sculpted biceps with the covers.

Erza nodded in approval. "Master, I'm so proud. You have been working out!"

"And Master," said Lucy, peering through the curtains, "You've gotten quite tall since I've last seen you. What long legs you have!"

"Um, yeah Lucy, all the better to run with."

"Master! Those studs, I didn't notice them before! Are those new?" asked Erza, a proud smile on her face.

"But Master," said Lucy as she shook her head, "I'm not too sure about that vest. The feathers on your shoulder are a bit tacky...I think I like that Jester hat better."

Natsu crossed his arms. "And I'm glad you've dyed your hair, Master. Black hair suits you much better. You looked pretty old, before. You know."

"All the better to...be hip with...all of you?" irritably (and awkwardly) choked out the Master.

After noticing all the new changes in her beloved Master, Erza took a closer look. "Hmm, Master, your teeth. I wasn't aware you had dental work done. My, what big teeth you have!"

By now, the "Master" was getting a bit irritated with all these meaningless questions about his fashion sense. "All the better to freakin' eat you with," he roared, throwing off the down comforter.

He was instantly stopped when he felt the sharp tip of a broadsword underneath his chin. "Just whom is eating whom?" said Erza, a very serious glare on her face.

" 'Sup, Gazille," Natsu casually said, "Didn't expect to see you here."

Gazille rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I didn't expect to be here either. I had to sprint to make it here before you guys."

"What have you done with the Master," demanded Erza, pushing the tip even more.

"Easy! Easy!" Gazille put his hands up, "I haven't done nothing with him! He's fine, he's just--"

Shock registered in Lucy's eyes and she gasped. "Oh, my gawd, did you..._eat him?!_"

"You did _WHAT?!_" roared Erza, moving the blade so it pointed directly at Gazille's navel. Natsu snickered.

"Take it easy!" This time, Gazille waved his hands around, ineffectively trying to diffuse the situation. "He hired me! I just had to sit here and eat soup or whatever."

Confusion flickered through Erza's features. "He hired you?"

"Err, yeah. So he could go to some kind of...Young, Single, Female Mage Convention. Or something like that. He even wanted me to wear this hat," said Gazille, reaching under the pillow for a tiny striped Jester hat, "But I said forget it."

Laughing, Natsu snatched up the hat, tugging it over his own spikey hair. "Yep, that sounds like our Master, alright."

"Alright, fine. As long as he is alright," said Erza, matter-of-factly brushing her scarlet bangs out of her face, "But there is one thing left to sort out."

Lucy sat down at the foot of the bed. "Really? What's left?"

The eerily cheeful smile returned to Erza's face. (_Dude, that's kinda freaky, _Gazille whispered to Natsu.) "Why, the bill, of course!"

Gazille grimaced. "...the bill?"

"Of course. For not only for our 5-star catering service, but we must also include the transportation charge. And bringing along a blond, large-chested girl, as requested. (_HEY!_ Lucy exclaimed) So that brings our grand total to an even..."

Gazille cringed even more.

"...600,000 jewels."

Every mouth in the room dropped, besides Erza's. Natsu and Lucy flashed each other victory signs, extremely glad that their labor was not in vain while poor Gazille looked as if he was going to have a heart attack.

"Maybe we can...work this out?" choked out the poor dragonslayer.

"No problem," Erza answered, winking as she pulled out a steel clipboard from of the canvas bag, "We have financing plans!"

----------

Natsu and Lucy had escaped down the stairs to the main bedroom while their employer and her client worked out the details. Although this room didn't have the windows of the attic, Natsu had discovered a respectable sized balcony next to a set of thick tapestries. From here, the view was just as grand.

They had been leaning on the raiing, enjoying the view, when Gazille clomped down the stairs to join them at their lookout.

"Hey there," he said, collapsing on a small iron-wrought lounger.

"So, how did you guys work out the details?" asked Lucy, turning around.

"She let me put it on his tab!" Gazille said, closing his eyes and looking extremely relieved, "And now she's going to wait for him to come back. You know, to make sure he pays and all."

"I dunno about that," mused Natsu, "He's at a 'Young Womens' conference. The Master won't be back for days."

Lucy sighed in dissapointment. "Ah darn. Looks like we're not getting paid today, after all."

"Yeah, Erza's prepared to wait it out. She's got a whole pot of that soup." Gazille cocked one eye open. "Hey, did you guys really lug that thing all the way from her palace?"

"YES," excaimed Lucy, "It was so heavy...and she was so scary! She had a riding crop."

"Ha, and the uniforms. No red hood, Natsu?" Gazille joked, tossing the hood and Natsu's jacket.

"You had gotta be kidding me! I wasn't going to put that on," Natsu grumbled, shrugging on his jacket.

"And this whole time, I thought you were going to eat us. Some wolf you turned out to be," Lucy mumbled to herself, staring at the cloudless blue sky.

"What was that? I couldn't hear you," said Gazille, stretching his arms and sitting up.

Lucy smiled. "Oh, it was nothing."

"But anyway, so now that I've freed you from Erza and her catering scheme," said Gazille, "What are you two going to do now? Wander around aimlessly until you get lost?"

"Psh, whatever. I am _never_ lost," Natsu scoffed.

"Actually, we're looking for this book. Its a thick leather one, and its got some sort of rune looking thing on the cover," Lucy explained.

"Sorry, I haven't seen a book like that," said Gazille. He stood up and stretched his legs, "But I think I might know someone who might. Come with me, I'll show you guys where she's at. Its on my way, anyway, so its no problem."

"Alright! Let's go!" said Natsu, clapping his hands together.

As they walked down the staircase and out of the castle, Lucy asked, "Gazille, who is the person we're going to meet?"

"The girl's obsessed with books. If she hasn't heard of the book you're looking for, no one has, but I dunno. Her two brothers are kinda odd."

"Odd? How so," asked Natsu, looking around. It seemed that they were heading away from the beach, towards the farmland area he had glimpsed from the castle's widespread view.

"They're strange! They're building their houses out of straw and sticks. I told her it was ridiculous! So I helped her make hers out of bricks."

"Aww, that was nice of you," said Lucy, a coy smile on her face.

"Oh, shut up," Gazille said, shaking his head," But her two brothers, me and them aren't exactly on the best terms..."

"That sucks. Why not?" Natsu asked. He seemed to be asking all the questions, today.

"The last time I was around, I had freaking allergies! It must have been from the stupid straw one of the brothers was using. I was blowing chunks out of my--"

"TMI," Lucy said, dryly cutting him off.

"Well anyway, lets just say that I was sneezing so hard, their flimsy houses fell down, just like that. I tried to tell them, their building materials sucked, but they just chased me away and told me not to come see their sister again."

By now, the trio had made it a far distance away from the castle. The forest wasn't so thick in this part of the kingdom, and Lucy noticed that every couple fifty meters or so, there would be a little wooden stake protruding from the ground. They were all labeled and shaped like barnyard animals.

"Now then, go past Goose, Cow, and Goat, but if I've reached Horse, then I've gone too far," Gazille mumbled, reciting from memory.

"Gazille, which one are you looking fo--" Lucy tried to ask.

Natsu cut her off, "Shh! The man is thinking."

"Ah! Here," said Gazille, examining one of the little stakes. This one was shaped like a little pig sitting on a pile of books. "Hog Lane. Okay it's down here."

And true to his word, the first house that they came across was a large hut made of straw. Lucy raised her eyebrow as she gazed at the oddly designed chimney. It was tiered, like a wedding cake, and each layer was trimmed in something furry. It was topped off but a matching ball of fur, which swirled around as smoke lazily wafted out of the chimney.

"Alright, guys," Gazille said, striding up to knock on the door, "Its time to see if the three little pigs are home."

* * *

**A/N**: YAY my summer school is over (and my chapters are getting longer!) Now I shall be painting my room and writing, of course. My muse has been reading fairy tales lately! But she's been hinting at some Loki x Lucy... :3


	9. The Rose

Chapter 9: The Rose

Gazille crisply knocked on the door...as gently as he could. Bah, the idiot had built his house out of straw and it was aggravating his damn allergies. Meanwhile, Natsu clambered around the property, unstealthily peeking through the windows. He could see lights flickering inside, so _someone_ was home, but after a few minutes of waiting, the two dragon slayers were getting impatient.

"Dude, you should knock harder. He's not comin' cause he can't hear you!" complained Natsu.

"No, I won't," glared Gazille, "If I knock any harder, the house is going fall down and she'll be extremely pissed at me."

"Fine, then, I'll do it!" Natsu charged at the door, rapping loudly on the thinly weaved surface. "Hello? Hello! Is anyone home?"

"Can't we try the next one?" asked Lucy, who was waiting near the road. She had a bad feeling that something was going to happen...and she didn't want to be associated with the two of them when it did. She gestured vaguely at the second house down the road, which seemed much more...stable.

"Nah, they don't like it when people barge in. This one's like the gatekeeper," said Gazille, nodding his head towards the straw house. He had the strongest urge to sneeze...but he fought it.

"Some gatekeeper he is," scoffed Natsu, who continued to knock. The continuous knocking had shaken straw from the door, and the loose strands were swirling in the air. "Open up!"

Suddenly, loud scuffling could be heard inside the house. "Hold your horses! You're going to knock my house down," complained the person inside. He parted the curtains and once he glimpsed the pair waiting on his door step, he took a few paces back. "Oh, drat. It's you two."

"Jet? Jet! Open up," Natsu demanded, rapping even harder on the door.

"Alright, alright! Just stop that," said Jet, who was feeling very nervous. With each rap on the door, the walls shuddered.

The door opened with a voosh, causing the loose straw to swirl even more. It happened at the exact moment that Gazille chose to take a deep breath. His eyes bulged and the silver studs on his nose popped out as he--

"Haaaa--TCHUUUUUU!" --sneezed. Almost instantly, the entire straw hut collapsed like a deck of cards. Natsu, Gazille, and poor Jet stood in a pile of rubble, where the entrance way previously was. They were all covered in a thick layer of straw...and a sticky substance that Natsu firmly refused to believe was snot.

"Ah, damn it all," cursed Gazille, shaking his hands free of mucus. Oh, she was going to kill him when she found out what happened...again.

"It's cause you took too long to answer the door," Natsu stated, trying to shake excess straw from his hair.

"No, it was inevitable. Especially with the two of you around," sighed Jet, stuffing a straw-coated hat onto his head. It was an odd hat, feathered in a tiered pattern just like the chimney was. "I knew I shouldn't have trusted that wolf."

"Wolf?"

"Yeah, he was our contractor. He gave us this unbeatable bargain! Guess it was too good to be true..."

"Jet, I swear. It wasn't my fault," said Gazille, holding his hands up. Invisible "..." appeared over everyone's heads.

Jet rolled his eyes, "Well hello, Lucy," said Jet, waving across the road as she waved back, "And what do you need of us, since you've already destroyed my house?"

"Uh, we're looking for this book thing," Natsu described, drawing the outline of a rectangle in the air, "A super rare one."

"For Levi, then. Alright, this way." Jet took one last resigned look at his pile of straw and led the way to his brother's house. The next residence wasn't too far away. A nicely manicured path joined Jet's house to his brother's, a log-cabin built with sticks.

"I already know that Droy won't be happy to see you, Gazille," said Jet, giving the him the _look_ as the four of them walked up to the door, "Perhaps you should wait...over there." He gestured to a worn patch of earth across the road.

Gazille, knowing that it was probably better safe then sorry, threw his hands out and trudged across the road to wait.

----------

Standing with his arms crossed, Gazille impatiently tapped his foot. This whole thing with Levi's brothers was making everything so troublesome! He cursed himself, wondering why he didn't just bring Natsu and Lucy straight to Levi, but then he remembered. He wanted to make nice to her brothers...so he could win some points with her. Bah, this better be worth it.

He was caught off guard when a large fireball suddenly exploded into the sky with a large boom. It was followed by someone, presumably Droy, swearing at the top of his lungs...and now, Natsu was barreling straight towards him at full speed, dragging Lucy behind him like a rag doll.

"RUN," Natsu exclaimed, not stopping for a moment as he and Lucy sped straight for the brickhouse.

Gazille glanced towards the scorched cabin. The fire had been put out and monstrous plants had almost instantly sprouted in the area. He was pretty sure that a Venus fly-trap the size of a carriage could eat him...so he quickly high-tailed it after the pair.

----------

"So, this is Levi's house?" asked Lucy. The three of them were crouched in the bushes outside the petite brick house, hiding from the livid Jet and Droy.

Gazille nodded. "Yeah. I'll go and see if she's in, hold on." He swiftly jumped out, darting up the stairs. But right before he grasped the pig-shaped brass knocker, the door swung open.

Standing in the doorway was a small framed girl, her fair hair held out of her face by a strip of bright ribbon. By the expression on her face, Gazille assumed that she wasn't...very pleased to see him.

"Gazille," sighed Levi, wincing at the echo of the on-going destruction, "You've destroyed my brothers houses again?"

"Look, I'm sorry! And it wasn't all me--it was Natsu too!"

"Hey, don't try to shift the blame on me," Natsu protested, clawing his way from under Levi's shrub.

"And still, it's not our fault they built their damn houses out of--"

"Didn't you learn from last time? I told you, use the back gate so they don't see you! Then there won't be so much trouble," said Levi.

Natsu and Lucy promptly threw dirty glares at Gazille's back as he continued to plead his case.

"Seriously, there was a back gate?" whispered Lucy.

"I bet he just forgot," Natsu muttered under his breath.

Levi sighed even louder, glancing at the burning piles of straw and sticks before affectionately patting the side of her brick house. She opened the door wider and gestured for her guests to come in. "Well, I guess the advice you gave me was better then the one they got."

----------

"You're looking for a book?" asked Levi, pausing as she poured the tea. The three of them were clustered on her couch as Gazille randomly flipped through the giant bookcase in her living room.

"Yeah, a leather one," Natsu described, using his hands as measurements, "It was about this big and it was like a kids book or something."

"It was full of fairy tales," Lucy clarified, "And it had the most peculiar rune on the cover. Have you heard of it?"

"Well," said Levi, cheerfully pulling out a thick catalog from under the coffee table, "I've got a whole room full of fairy tales. We can look through that if you want. But it'd take days!"

"...days?" Natsu and Lucy exchanged a forlorn glance.

"Yes. I doubt that its in there, though," she said, "I don't have any records of one with a rune on it."

The stranded pair sat dejectedly on the couch while Levi continued to pore through her documents. Lucy knew it wasn't Levi (Jet, or Droy)'s fault, but she couldn't help but feel disappointed at the dead-end lead. Would they ever get home?

Lucy's thoughts were interrupted as Levi's catalog shut with a heavy thud. "I'm sorry, guys, but I haven't heard of any book like that."

"Eh, it's no prob. Thanks for looking," shrugged Natsu. He kinda figured it would turn out like this--not to doubt his guildmate in any way, it was just that these stupid fairy tales always made things way more complicated then they needed to be. Bah.

"I'm sorry I couldn't be much help," said Levi, holding up the thickest cookbook Natsu had ever seen, "But I can make you lunch, if you three want."

The stomachs of Natsu and Lucy grumbled in unison.

"And Lucy, you can use my bathroom if you feel like freshening up. I'll go get you a towel!"

Lucy had never felt so grateful in her life.

----------

Sitting in Levi's wonderful, antique clawfoot tub was most definitely HEAVEN. At the moment, for Lucy, anyway. Nothing in the world felt better then the feeling of nice hot water and soap on her skin. All of that travel dirt had been washed out of her hair and down the drain along with the most delectable grapefruit scrub.

And the food, oh the food. It was just as good as Mira's--perhaps better because Levi had no plan to bake her guests into a pie. After a lackluster diet of berries and the occasional roasted trout, Lucy was ravenous. She was even willing to elbow Natsu out of the way for that last piece of chicken.

But unfortunately, all good things must come to an end. Levi's country home was warm and welcoming--a much better place to be compared to sleeping in a tree. She sighed as she sat on the front porch, lacing up her traveling boots as the dragon slayers played cards.

"Do you have any...eights?" asked Gazille, raising a silver studded eyebrow.

"Ha! Go fish!" crowed Natsu.

"Aarg, damnit!"

Lucy rolled her eyes as Levi stumbled out the door, dragging two very large and overflowing knapsacks.

"Here! I hope I packed enough food," she said, handing one each to the very grateful pair.

"This is more than enough!" exclaimed Lucy. She opened a pocket, noticing that Levi had even remembered to pack sunscreen, shampoo, and conditioner. Bless her heart.

"And I had a talk with Jet and Droy," said Levi, "There's a prince living in a castle not too far from here. We visited him once, he's very knowledgable about the area. Maybe you two can try there? I hope he'll know something useful."

"Alright, sounds like a plan!" Lucy felt very reassured.

Natsu nodded at Gazille. "You coming?"

Looking quite embarrased, Gazille scrached his head. "Nah, I uh,...gotta stay. Got some stuff to do."

"If I let him take me out for a movie, he's promised to rebuild my brother's houses," Levi whispered to Lucy, who winked.

And so, with handshakes, hugs, and one more slice ("Just quit it, Natsu, you've already eaten seven of them!?") of cherry pie, Natsu and Lucy were off--on the road, again, to the castle in the distance.

----------

Natsu was, once again, impatiently knocking on someone's door. Thankfully though, this time he was knocking on the heavy wooden door of the castle instead of a flimsy one made of straw.

"Maybe he's not home?" said Lucy, who couldn't help but notice the landscaping. There were untamed rose bushes. _Everywhere_. Because of their multitude, the dark flowers gave off a slightly sickening odor and she was counting the seconds until someone answered the door.

"Well, he's gotta have staff, right? Like servants and maids and stuff? He's a prince," scoffed Natsu. He was fed up with waiting. He shrugged off his coat, handing it and his pack to Lucy. "Wait here, I'm gonna go make a door open."

"Hey, we can't just break in! He's not going to help us if we--"

It was too late--Natsu had already sprinted around the corner. With a resigned sigh, Lucy raised her hand and began to knock on the door.

----------

Standing proudly with one foot propped up like a pirate, Natsu surveyed the view from the castle's roof. It hadn't been too hard to get up here, where he had spied an open window.

He stuck peered through the dusty glass--there was no one in the room. Quickly vaulting through the space, he landed nimbly on the wooden floor. It was dark in the space, there were no lamps or candles...but in the center of the room, on a round table, there was a rose. It seemed to be suspended in mid-air, protected by a bell-shaped glass.

As Natsu stepped closer, the dark red flower appeared to be like any other rose, except it glowed with a mysterious, magical, ethereal glow.

And against all common sense, he lifted the glass to touch the flower.

-----------

After knocking for who knows how long, Lucy had given up, choosing to sit on the front steps instead. Where was Natsu? She really hoped that he hadn't broken any windows. Perhaps he'd gotten lost inside the castle? Hmm.

She was so lost within her thoughts that she didn't hear the door open, swinging open so quietly that only the slightest clink of porcelain could be heard.

----------

"Aarg, what the--" swore Natsu, instantly pulling his hand back to suck on his bleeding finger. The stupid rose had pricked him! And now it seemed to be taunting him, floating up and down on the table.

But before he could grab the rose and trample it, he felt...woozy. Before he knew it, the dull thud he felt was that of his head on the floor and images began streaming before his eyes. It was raining and there was an old woman. Heck, an old beggar woman? With just a rose as payment for the night? Natsu saw hands slam the door on her drenched and wrinkled face. And then suddenly, there was pain.

And then there was only black.

----------

Aarg, Lucy was tired of waiting too.

"Where is he? He's been gone forever," she grumbled, hoisting herself up. She tied Natsu's jacket around her waist and was in the process of stashing their knapsacks behind an overgrown hedge when she was interrupted by a concerned, motherly voice.

"Excuse me, dear. Can I help you?"

Lucy quickly spun around. The door was open...but there was no one there.

"Down here, silly," said a young boy's voice.

Her eyes quickly dropped. There, on the welcome mat, was a teapot. And a chipped tea cup. And oh, my, gawd, they had eyes. And a faces. And they were LOOKING at her.

Lucy promptly fainted.

* * *

**A/N**: I'm sorry this one took forever and a day, I went on vacation (twice!)

I know, I know that there hasn't been much NatsuxLucy, so next chapter we'll be fixing that! And to all of you who are waiting patiently for Grey (thanks guys ^^), he's a comin', don't you worry. He may be wearing a dress, but he'll be a comin'.


	10. The Beast

Chapter 10: The Beast

...

With a tremendous yawn, Natsu sat up. He threw his arms out wide to stretch...and unfortunately caught someone on the side of her face.

"Ouch, watch it, will you?" Lucy frowned, rubbing the site of impact.

"Luce? Oh. Heh, sorry," he said. Hmm. He was in a bed. This was new.

Natsu vaguely remembered blacking out and he was quite thankful to have been rescued. Lucy must have found him and dragged him here, if she was sitting at his bedside. That made sense. And how nice of her, thought Natsu, hungrily eyeing out the kettle and its little tray of snacks, Lucy had even brought him something to ea--

The kettle eyed him back. "Hasn't your mother ever taught you that it was rude to stare?"

"...WHAT the, Luce!" Natsu cried, pulling his feet away from the kettle as far as he could, "Luce, the freaking tea pot just talked to me."

"Natsu, this is Mrs. Potts. Mrs. Potts, this is Natsu."

"Oh. Err, um...hello?" said Natsu. Even after being trapped in Fairy Tale-land for as long they he had, he still found it a bit..._unnerving_ to have conversations with inanimate objects.

Lucy giggled, producing a tea cup from on top of her head (_Whoa, she's learned magic? thought Natsu_). "And this is Chip!"

"So, Mr. Natsu," said Chip, cautiously hopping onto the sheets, "Do you...feel any different?"

At this, the two females turned to peer apprehensively at him and Natsu felt like he was on an examination table.

"Uh, no," he cautiously replied. He didn't feel any different. Oh god, was he missing something? He did a quick check--arms, legs, head, unmentionables. No, they were all present and accounted for.

Lucy leaned in closer. "Are you..._sure_?"

"...Yeah." Natsu's eyes narrowed. Something was up. OMG was he wearing makeup?!

"Great! Would you like some tea and biscuits?" cheerfully said Lucy, pouring the hot beverage into Chip. She looked relieved as she pushed an overflowing platter in his direction.

"Wait, wait," said Natsu, accusingly pointing his finger at the conspirators, "What did you do to me?"

"It's what you did to yourself, young man," scoffed Mrs. Potts, "The rose was locked up in that room for a reason!"

Lucy tilted her head. "Natsu, it practically screamed, 'Do Not Even Think About Touching Me.' In _CAPITAL_ Letters."

"...hmph." He grimaced a little, because she had a point. To avoid making conversation, Natsu glanced around at the room. It was spacious, filled with the usual medieval furniture. This room was decked out for a girl, he figured, because of the large mirror which was clearly the centerpiece. An ornate rim of gold rimmed the wide mirror and in it, he could see the reflections of Lucy, the tea cup, kettle lady, some kid with super long sideburns, the bed--

Wait a minute. Natsu wiggled out of the bed, watching in horror as he slowly made his way to the mirror.

"LUCY, what. The. Hell?!" he fumed, holding his hair up for emphasis. He felt like he was Rapunzel...except with monster sideburns instead of locks.

"Oh, Natsu, it's not so bad...," said Lucy, trying to downplay the situation as much as she could. But unfortunately, even the most complimentary of words would definitely not hide the predicament that Natsu was in. The reddish-pink hair on his head was its usual messy self, but his sideburns...oh, his sideburns. It took everything she had to keep herself from either laughing or staring in horror. Natsu's sideburns had grown and grown, past the point where it had touched the floor, all the way until they were long enough for Lucy to neatly coil them on either side of the bedpost.

In the next minute, Lucy, Mrs. Potts, and Chip sat quietly (mouths gaping slightly) as Natsu tried to "remedy" his situation. He tried to cut, bite, burn, gnaw, hack, and sever his long sideburns from his his head...but nothing seemed to work.

"They're so...beastly," Natsu moaned, tearing himself away from the mirror.

Lucy tried to smile, but her lips succeeded only in curling into some sort of contorted grimace.

The dragon-slayer shoved his locks aside to kneel earnestly in front of the kettle. "Please, there must be a way to get these off," he pleaded.

"You, sir, are cursed," said Mrs. Potts. Her irritation was obvious from the short tufts of steam that emerged from her spout.

"Look, I didn't mean to touch the rose, it just kinda--"

"Enough. You'll have to live with it, that's final." And with that, the irate teakettle whisked herself and her offspring from the room.

An hour later, Lucy found herself still in her armchair, calmly braiding Natsu's beastly sideburns so that they were more manageable. It gave her something to do besides panic. There was no way they could continue their "quest" with Natsu in a state like this... She doubted that he could even manage to leave the room without difficulty.

"She didn't have to storm off like that, freakin' unhelpful," complained Natsu, who had resprawled himself over the bed.

"Err, I think the rose was...kinda important to her," said Lucy.

Natsu sat up, grabbing a fistful of hair. He was extremely frustrated. "Yeah, I know but seriously. But look at this!"

Lucy sighed, smoothing out a tangle. "Maybe, once we finish with your, um,...hair, we can cart it all back to Levi and she can help--"

"Um, I think I can help," said a little voice from the table. There, perched on a saucer, was Chip. It was clear from the part-devious, part-ashamed expression on his face that he had snuck away from his mother.

"REALLY?" Natsu sat up, bringing his face extremely close to the side table, "You know what my hair's like this?!" Lucy was sure that the toothy, eager grin on his face would scare the little teacup off, but Chip was brave.

"Yeah. Um, like, my mom said it. The rose is cursed." Chip quickly closed his eyes, expecting an outburst of swearing and frustration, but Natsu just frowned, waiting for the teacup to go on.

"But, but, before, there was this prince. And he pissed off this witch lady, so then he turned into a monster. Super beastly."

Natsu narrowed his eyes. "I bet he wasn't as beastly as this."

"Oh yeah, he was. MORE beastly. He had fangs and everything."

"Fangs? I want fangs--"

"Enough, enough," said Lucy, clamping her hand firmly over Natsu's mouth, "Please, Chip. Continue?"

"So the witch lady, she said that if he couldn't you know, be less of a jerk and learn to love people, he'd be stuck as a beast forever."

Natsu's jaw dropped. "FOREVER?!"

"Uh huh. Forever."

"Lucy," said Natsu, a combination of hurt and disbelief on his face, "Do you think I'm a jerk and that I deserve these beastly sideburns?"

Lucy felt her heart strings twinge a little. Poor guy, he didn't really deserve this, did he? "Aww, of course not," she said.

"Oh but wait! So like, then this lady came along. Super pretty. And nice too! And she got the prince guy to change his jerk ways and then BAM. He was normal again."

The pair sat quietly for a moment, pondering the situation.

"So...I need someone super pretty. And super nice to cure me of my flaws and then BAM. Sideburns gone?" mused Natsu, rubbing his chin.

"Think so. Kinda like a "true love" thing, but not really," said Chip, nodding knowingly, "And I think you gotta kiss her."

"It sounds...simple enough," said Lucy. It seemed much easier then fighting off crazy ax-maiden princesses and jumping out of towers. THANK goodness. She was getting a bit tired of the routine.

"Alright! It's settled." Natsu brushed his hair off the bed, settling himself on the edge of the bed so that he was facing Lucy. "C'mon, Luce. Kiss me."

"..." She sat there, stunned, until her brain finally finished processing his request. "Wait. What?!"

Chip jumped enthusiastically in his saucer. "Miss Lucy! It's perfect. You can have this fixed in no time!"

"Yeah, see, you're pretty," said Natsu (inner Lucy squealed rather excitedly) , "And I guess you're nice enough, so it should work!"

"Um," Lucy took a deep breath. She was truly caught off-guard. Even if their situations had already forced their lips to meet, it felt a bit awkward for her to kiss him on demand. Oh gosh, thought Lucy, my breath? Do I taste like lemons? I ate that entire lemon pastry, DO I TASTE LIKE--

Natsu didn't give her enough time to finish her ramblings, he simply lurched forward, planting his lips firmly on hers. The kiss lasted only for a moment, long enough for Lucy to blink twice. She felt her heart catch in her chest as her body tightened up, and she exhaled slowly as he pulled away.

"...what?" he said, lifting his "beastly locks" incredulously, "Why are they still here?"

Chip frowned. "Aww, I dunno how come it didn't work. I'm sorry, Mr. Natsu."

"Rawr, why won't you just. Come. OFF," growled Natsu, rolling into another fit of trying to bite his sideburns off.

Lucy sighed. It was late in the evening and she knew Mrs. Potts would be looking for her son. She stood up, and deposited the little teacup onto her shoulder. "Good try, Chip, but its about time you've gone to bed."

After dropping Chip off, Lucy didn't return straight to the room. Instead, she found herself at one of the mansion's many balconies. The night air was chilly as she leaned against the railing, staring blankly at the twinkling stars.

Poor Lucy, she couldn't help but feel rather..."blah." It was a lame term, but it was the best she could think of at the moment to best summarize how she felt. First, the roadblock (aka Natsu's predicament). Second, that lackluster kiss! She had honestly felt some chemistry, some spark between them earlier...had it all disappeared?

Before she could continue her spiral down into depression, Lucy felt the entire balcony shake as someone ungraciously shoved his person through the door.

"So fricken cumbersome," swore Natsu, gritting his teeth as he yanked the rest of his hair through.

He watched her smile (a half smile, he noticed), her lips turning upwards only the slightest. "See, now you know what it feels to be the 'stranded one'," she joked.

"Oh yes. Rapunzel!" he shouted to whoever would listen, "I'm sorry I thought you were a stupid princess and couldn't fix your hair problem by yourself!"

The smile on Lucy's face gradually widened so he parked himself along the balcony rail as well. "At least I've got you to help me with this," he said.

Her lips pursed together. "I'm sorry I'm not much help," she said, "I couldn't even help you with...you know." She gestured at the length of his hair, which ironically enough, had turned a deep, flame red near the ends.

The dragon slayer's shoulders shrugged easily, and Lucy was a bit surprised to see a carefree expression on his face. "Eh, no worries," he grinned, "I'm sure it'll work itself out in time."

"Natsu, she said you could be stuck like that forever."

He shrugged again, "Well, guess I'm just gonna have to go home like this, then. Maybe Grey can like...freeze it off. I kinda like 'em." He waggled his eyebrows.

Lucy sighed, turning to stare at the sky again. Maybe it was her connection to the stars, or just the way the breeze felt on her skin, but Lucy knew it was minutes to midnight.

"...or, you know," said Natsu, letting the words roll smoothly off his tongue, "We could try again."

"...again?" Lucy asked, turning to face him. Her breath caught in her chest when she saw that he had leaned forward, towards her. He hadn't moved too close, out of respect perhaps. His lips were parted into a grin, which turned the corner of his mouth up just the slightest, daring Lucy to make a move.

"I figure, it couldn't hurt," he said, and the corners of his mouth turned up even more.

That's all it took for Lucy to decide. Before her courage left her, she closed her eyes, leaning forwards to kiss him. With a slight chuckle of triumph, he met her halfway. Their lips met tentatively at first, easing off quickly once they came together. Slowly, but surely, Lucy felt the tension melt away and kissing Natsu became rather...natural.

Inner Lucy danced her happy dance. What a wonderful night this turned out to be! They were spending the night in a mansion (aka Royal Castle), she had feasted for dinner, and now she was on a balcony, making out with Natsu. Mmm, success. The moment was perfect--except for that stupid popping noise. It was extremely distracting, but Lucy decided to focus on Natsu's lips instead.

Natsu chose this time to slip his arms around her waist, pulling her closer. Lucy's heart fluttered, but seriously. What the heck was up with that racket? In under a minute, the noise had grown from popping into what sounded like...an explosion. 'Meh,' said Lucy's heart, which continued to send 'ignore' signals to her brain, until--BOOM.

Lucy involuntarily squealed, jumping further into Natsu's arms. It was a bit cliche, but she could care less. The first thing that came to her mind was that an airplane was bombing the castle, until she turned wide-eyed to the dramatically changed night sky.

It was a fireworks show, and an elaborate one at that. Why they had pyrotechnics lighting up the stars at midnight, Lucy had no idea, but it was beautiful.

"This is...different," said Natsu, one eyebrow raised. He just as confused as she was. "Hey Luce, do they look sorta like...roses?"

Noting that his hands were still around her waist, Lucy tried very hard not to grin like an idiot. "Hmm, I guess they kinda do."

"Why do'ya think they do this at midnight?"

"I'm not sure," said Lucy, giving a small wave at Chip, who was perched on an adjacent balcony. He was watching the fireworks with the rest of the castle staff. "Maybe its tradition?"  
Maybe it was chance, or perhaps design, a stray ember shot directly to their balcony. Natsu's (almost existent) ninja skills allowed him to maneuver himself and Lucy out of its fiery path, but unfortunately, his sideburns couldn't dodge in time. The spark instantly set his hair ablaze, causing Lucy to jump as far as she could to avoid being burnt.

Natsu, being a fire dragonslayer, was not scared, angry, or worried--he was amused. "Lucy, Lucy, haha," he chortled, swatting at the flame which was quickly spreading throughout his mane, "It, it tickles."

The little ember had grown so fast and so large that the castle staff had turned their attention away from the show, focusing now on the ever growing pillar of dark smoke. Lucy's first reaction was to try and smother the fire, but the balcony was empty--there weren't any drapes she could rip and use either. Before the panic set in, Lucy noticed...that Natsu's volumptious sideburns were growing...shorter?

Natsu prided himself on being ticklish in one spot, and one spot only: on his neck, right below his ears. Unfortunately, the fire had now spread to the point where the flames began to lick the skin in that exact spot. He couldn't help but collapse onto the cold stone floor, rolling uncontrollably about.

"Lucy, HELP. Help me!" he cackled, flailing around, "Please, I can't--can't take it anymore!"

"But Natsu, look!" she pointed, her voice ringing with excitement, "Your sideburns! They're disappearing!"

The laughter stopped immediately. "...really?" He quickly felt for the pile of hair that was becoming familiar, and felt no remorse when he couldn't find it. "IT'S GONE?!"

"It's gone!" cheered Lucy, throwing her hands up in the air. Natsu grabbed her hands, dragging her along into his celebratory dance whether she wanted to or not.

The castle staff sat quietly in their own balcony, watching the newly uncursed jump around in manic circles, emanating a strong feeling of relief.

"So, Mrs. Potts," drawled the Candelabra, "You didn't tell them that the 'curse' wears off at midnight?"

"Hmph, of course not," she huffed, "I figured someone's gotta teach that kid a lesson."

Chip giggled.

"Dear me, they honestly think it was the fireworks that cured him," said the Clock.

"Alright fine, perhaps that was a little mean to tell him he'd be cursed forever," admitted Mrs. Potts.

"Eh, it's alright," called the Wardrobe, who was far too large to to fit on the balcony and had to make do with the window, "We can make it up to him."

Chip hopped on the railing. "Really? How would we do that?"

"Mmm, perhaps we can point them towards what they're looking for, "said the Featherduster, alluringly sweeping side-to-side, "You know, the book?"

"Yes, my dear," said the Candelabra, "That's a marrrrvelous idea."

* * *

**A/N**: There is no excuse for my lateness, I apologize. ;_;

But I've been brainstorming on what to do next! Something less...Disney? Or even more cliche-Disney, so I can have some fun with it. I'm debating.


End file.
